tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79608052024-03-14T03:49:21.597-04:00RvLRvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.comBlogger147125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-88212762972778812882023-10-17T11:27:00.002-04:002023-10-17T11:27:39.306-04:00I Was Wrong & I'm Sorry<p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-6a0585d0-7fff-ddc7-c965-0a65010decc6" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">A couple years ago my family moved from a small rural town, into a nearby city. We had outgrown our small home, and desired to move somewhere where our sons would have a wider cultural experience than our small town provided. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">About a year before we moved another major life event took place for me. In the fall of 2018 I resigned my position as associate pastor of the Mennonite church where I had been on staff as a bi-vocational pastor for six years. After years of working seven days a week, it was clear to both my wife and I that changes were necessary. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">When I resigned, I was physically, emotionally and spiritually burned out. My wife suggested that I could benefit from a break from church attendance for a short time, but I balked. So for the next 18 months I kept up nearly as busy a schedule–and remained burned out.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">In late 2019 when our family moved, we began talking about looking for a church closer to our new home. Over the next few months we visited a few different churches. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Then in 2020, when Covid hit, I finally took a break from church. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">======</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Starting in my mid 20’s, I began having a shift in my thinking regarding a number of the teachings I had been taught in my youth. Many of these teachings were commonplace in my childhood home, Christian school, church, as well as the three conservative Christian colleges I attended. However, the more I studied the Bible, the more I began to see cracks in the foundation that had been laid for me. Some of the non-negotiables of my upbringing were being called into question. One such subject was the role of women in the home and church.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">For nearly 30 years of my life I was taught the Bill Gothard “Umbrella of protection” model of headship for the home. While I was taught these things, I do not recall ever seeing them modeled for me by any of those who claimed to believe in the teachings. What was modeled was not love, but endless disappointments as my mother “failed” to submit, and my father “failed” to lead or provide. This led to increasing tension in the home, and varying levels of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Having been taught that to be a faithful Christian spouse meant living by the concepts promoted by Gothard, and failing to see any examples of loving homes where this headship was practiced, had me questioning if I ever wanted to marry. For many years in my 20’s I was lonely, and wanted to have someone to share life with. But whenever I would start to get close to someone, the fear of being doomed to a miserable, but “godly”, marriage caused me to either sabotage potential relationships or view potential relationships in very unhealthy ways.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Then I met the woman that I would marry. We were both in our late 20’s at the time. We came from different Christian traditions, but there were many commonalities between my fundamentalist upbringing and her Anabaptist background. One of those common beliefs was that men had to be in charge at home, and only men were to be in charge at church.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Our relationship was non-traditional, at least for the time. When we began communicating we lived on different sides of the world. Early on, most of our interactions were through written communication. As I had done with previous relationships, I tried to sabotage our friendship before it was barely off of the ground. I shared my fears. I shared my failures. I shared my doubts. I shared my dreams. My thought was, if I’m rejected by someone who lives on a different continent, oh well. But I wasn’t rejected. Sharing my vulnerabilities went against much of what I was taught “real men” were to do. And yet, being vulnerable allowed her to get to know the real me, not a facade.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">When we married I still held some of the complementarian beliefs from my youth, but by this time I was more of a soft-complementarian. Instead of being a forceful leader, I viewed our relationship as a team–where each of us brought our knowledge and experiences to the table. Where I was still a soft-complementarian was if we couldn’t agree on something I felt, based on almost 30 years of teaching, that I had to make the final decision. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">The more time I spent with my wife, the less I found myself understanding the logic I had heard on why husbands must be in charge. But, according to the rules for interpreting the Bible I had been taught, it was “clear” the Bible still promoted a patriarchal model.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Around this time one of my sisters, a woman I have had great respect for, said the reason she was a complementarian was because of a favorite verse of hers; Genesis 3:16. The part of the verse she quoted says “your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” The curse given Eve in Genesis 3 had somehow been transformed into a blessing that was to be desired.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I’m not sure exactly why but such an interpretation of Genesis 3 caused a switch to flip in my mind. I began to look into other passages used to teach complementarianism. When examined under a microscope, I found less exegetical reasoning for a complementarian view of women. And the more I looked at the Bible as a cohesive story, the less I had to explain away chunks of the Bible that didn’t line up with John Piper and Wayne Grudem’s view of “Biblical Manhood and Womanhood”. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I read how Jesus interacted with women. He encountered them in a male-dominant culture, but instead of maintaining the status-quo He empowered women. Women were not only valuable in the kitchen (Martha), but were welcome as a disciple of His (Mary). Jesus broke with the taboos of society and showed the woman at the well that she had value simply because of who she was, not because of what she could do. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Then moving into the book of Acts, I saw how women played a role in leadership in the early church. Yes, men played a larger role than women, but the fact that women were empowered by God to break with the norms of the culture of the day to lead was significant. No longer did I need to find an excuse for Junia, or explain why it was OK for Priscilla to teach a man while other women were prohibited.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Throughout the Bible I saw God interacting with people who have varying cultural norms (polygamy, slavery, patriarchy, etc.). In the past I often wondered why God–-or His appointed leaders– didn’t just condemn certain practices, instead of giving guidelines on how those practices should be practiced more justly. The older I get the more I understand this approach. It is an approach I have used in parenting. God was encouraging baby steps in the direction He was asking them to go.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">When it comes to the New Testament, I see God encountering people entrenched in a society designed for males and ruled by males, and nudging them to do better. Society believed that to be a leader one must be male. And, for the most part, the church was established with male leaders. But interspersed were women God used to advance His kingdom. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">=====</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">In the second half of 2020 the initial Covid shutdowns began to ease. People began venturing out again, and many churches resumed in-person services. Over the following year our family visited several churches. One of our desires was to find a church where both men and women were allowed to use their giftings and talents. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">One church that my wife had been invited to visit right before Covid was on a list of churches we wanted to visit as a family. So, one Sunday morning we ventured out. I had learned from their website that the pastoral team included a husband and wife, which seemed to indicate it met one of the criteria on our list.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">That Sunday the husband was preaching. While I do not remember what he was preaching on, I do remember that in the middle of his message he went on a long tangent about his </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">seven year old daughter</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> and modesty. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“Before my wife is allowed to buy any clothing for our daughter” he said, “I make sure I check it out to make sure my daughter will not cause men to lust.” His tangent went on for about a quarter hour. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">He got into specific details of what is allowed for his daughter, and what is not. “My daughter has a two-piece swimsuit, but it doesn’t show her belly button. I know what seeing a belly button does to men,” he added.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Not once during this lecture did he mention modesty regarding boys or men. Not once did he mention the responsibility the Bible places on men to not lust. The message was clear: Women and girls are responsible for men lusting.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">=====</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">When I was younger, I was taught many things regarding women and men that I now believe vary from wrong to dangerous. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Women are more easily deceived…</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">A common refrain among the Christian circles I have frequented is that women are not fit to teach or lead because they are more easily deceived than men. After all, “the Bible clearly says” that “it was not Adam who was deceived, but the women being deceived, fell into transgression” (I Timothy 2:14 NASB). In this passage the Apostle Paul says that he does not allow a woman to teach, referencing Eve being deceived and also that Adam was created first. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Let’s think through the logic used here to disqualify women from teaching and leading. In the Garden of Eden, the serpent came to Eve, tempting her to eat the forbidden fruit. Eve ate, and gave to Adam who also ate. Paul says Adam was not deceived, but Eve was. So, Eve was deceived and is disqualified from teaching, but Adam who sinned deliberately is not? And, if being deceived disqualifies a woman from teaching men, why are they allowed to teach other women? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">And, if being deceived disqualifies someone from leadership or being able to hold authority, Joshua should have been disqualified (Joshua 9)., Isaac (Genesis 27), Jacob (Genesis 29, 31), along with many other men in the Bible. But the only one this excuse is used for is a woman. And, if women being more easily deceived disqualifies them from teaching men, why did Paul allow them to teach other women? </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Women are more emotional, men are more logical…</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“Women are driven more by their emotions, while men are driven by rationality and logic” is another common refrain I have heard. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">As a young man, the thought that as a result of my being a male I was more rational and logical than women was appealing. And when that was coupled with being taught that women were driven by emotion, I wanted to make sure I didn’t appear to be emotional. Therefore, I didn’t resist these often touted tropes. But as I grew older, the idea that men are more rational and women are more emotional did not line up with my observations.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">While I have heard that women are more driven by emotions than men, no explanation has ever accompanied the expression as to which emotions. But the implied assumption was that being emotional was a sign of weakness.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">What exactly constitutes an emotion? Being a Xennial, I did a quick search of the internet to see how many emotions there are. A couple hours later I concluded that how many emotions exist all depends on how one defines emotions. If you do an online search for “emotion wheel”, you will find a treasure trove of different interpretations of how emotions play out. Common among the wheels I looked at were both positive and negative emotions. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Positive emotions often cited included words like loved, excited, accepted, joyful, optimistic and calm. Negative emotions include fearfulness, disgust, anger, sadness, guilt, hopelessness and schadenfreude. And then there are emotions, such as surprise, that can be considered positive or negative depending on the situation. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">As we look at a broad swath of emotions it becomes apparent that men and women both are emotional, even if they demonstrate their emotions in different ways. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">A study published in 2021 found “men and women’s emotional stability and fluctuations are ‘clearly, consistently and unmistakably more similar than they are different.” Commenting on the results of the study, Dr. Robert Blum, of Johns Hopkins University, points out that globally, “males are socialized to hide their emotions while it is far more legitimate for females to share them.” (Austin, D. (2021, November 2). </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Men are just as emotional as women: New research debunks gender stereotypes</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">. TODAY.com. https://www.today.com/health/new-research-debunks-gender-stereotypes-about-emotions-t237160)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">In my mid 20’s I remember writing a blog post on a now defunct website. I wrote that sometimes I felt so lonely that tears would flow. After posting the blog, a young woman from my church, commented that being as emotional as I apparently was, had I considered that I could be gay? Her point was that admitting being an emotional being put me at odds with how a heterosexual male should act.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Education and ‘appropriate’ jobs for women…</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Two recent events embody some of the attitudes I was taught regarding women growing up. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">This fall I was attending my sons’ soccer game. During a game I struck up a conversation with a father of one of their teammates. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">This man said his family has homeschooled all of their children because “there are a lot of subjects taught to children that aren’t necessary.” I figured he meant subjects like sex-ed. Oh no. The subjects he was referring to were ones like algebra, calculus,chemistry, and physics. He stated that studying such subjects do not help students become productive members of society. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he then added the cringeworthy phrase “especially for girls!” </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">This line of thinking wasn’t new to me. Coming from a family of six children, five being girls, I heard similar things said many times. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">After graduating high school, all six of us were told that we were required to attend a particular one-year Bible college that our parents had chosen. Apart from this Bible college, any additional higher education was frowned upon. The belief was that too much education leads one astray. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">At the age of 22 I decided to buck the trend and go to a four-year college. When I told my family this I was told that they didn’t approve, but as an adult male they wouldn’t stand in my way. At the age of 25 I did earn a B.A. in Communications–becoming the first in my family to earn a four year degree. (Several years later, when she was in her 40’s, one of my sisters went on to earn her B.S. and M.S. in nursing.) </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">The second recent event is related to the first. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">My wife has her B.A. and M.A. in education. She has multiple different certifications, and in her tenth year as a school teacher. One of her students recently told her that he isn’t intimidated by her. In other words, he doesn’t feel the need to respect her authority as his teacher. It is doubtful that this attitude was new to the boy. Such an attitude is likely a result of lifelong biases passed down from one generation to the next.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">When parents do not respect or value the role education can play in their children’s lives, the children will not respect or value their education. When a bias against women pursuing education is added into the mix, it should come as no surprise when a student feels empowered to say the quiet parts out loud.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">=====</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">The Sunday morning we visited the new church, the pastor was greeting visitors after the service. I decided to bring up his modesty talk. I asked, as a father of five sons, why he had placed the onus on his </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">seven year old girl</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> to keep boys and men from lusting when Jesus had placed the responsibility on the one lusting (Matthew 5:27-28)? He didn’t have a good answer. After hemming and hawing, he doubled down that as the father of a </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">seven year old girl</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">, he needs to make sure she isn’t causing guys to lust.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">That Sunday my sons heard two sermons. The first sermon told them that a</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> seven year old girl</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> can cause them to lust. The second sermon was given by mom and dad and probably lasted for an hour or more. This sermon told them that whether they allow their minds to lust after a woman of any age is their responsibility. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“You may be somewhere and there is a girl who is drunk or passed out” I told them. “Whether she is clothed or not, you have to decide if you will treat her with the dignity and respect she deserves, being in the image of God, or if you will mentally or physically use her for your own sinful pleasures. No one else can make that decision for you!” </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">At the time, our sons were between the ages of four and twelve. Since all of them had heard the first sermon, all of them sat through the second sermon. I wanted the dangerous message someone else had told them to be corrected before it could take root in their minds.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">After visiting that church, I was ready for another extended break from church.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">=====</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Growing up in the cultures I did, I have not always appreciated women the way I should have. For decades I believed the lies that privileged me as a beneficiary of being a white male in a society that favors white males. I do not believe that being white or male is bad. But I do believe that if I allow the status quo to remain, which has benefited individuals like me at the expense of others, I would be participating in a sinful system.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">As the father of sons I hope to not pass along the same misguided teachings that I believed at their age. As a result, I hope to help change the future for them, and for the women they will encounter. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">For many years I subconsciously believed that women were less than men. I was wrong. I now believe that both men and women are made in the image of God. As a result both men and women reveal to us His nature and character. When we treat men and women with dignity, we are acknowledging that they have value because of who they are, not just because of what they do. This is something I’m working to instill in my sons.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">For many years I believed women were less rational and more emotional than men. I was wrong. I now believe that both men and women have been created by God to express themselves through both emotions and logic. When either sex is told that being logical or expressing emotion isn’t befitting their sex, it limits them from reaching their potential. I try to demonstrate to my sons that their mom and I are both emotional and rational beings, and that they are as well.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">For many years I believed that I wasn’t responsible for lusting. After all, I was told that both directly and indirectly.. I was wrong. I now believe that men are responsible for their actions, and women are responsible for their actions. In my younger days I believed the lies that my lust and other sinful actions were not always my fault. I am working to model for my sons that they cannot try to pass off responsibility for their own sinful actions by claiming that someone else caused them to sin. We are responsible for what we do, say and think. Others may try to sway us, but ultimately we are responsible for how we respond. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">As a youth I bought the narrative that men were to be the breadwinners of the family, and women were to be the keepers at home. As a result, subconsciously I viewed women as being less than me and other men. Thinking that many jobs were not suited for women, I viewed higher education to be mostly unnecessary for women. While I have no problem with men being the wage earners and women choosing to stay at home if that is what they desire, I believe my mindset in the past was wrong. I now believe that men, women, boys and girls all can benefit from education. Even if a subject may not seem “practical” at the present, the process of learning helps us become more well rounded human beings. A few years ago my wife and I bucked the norms of our inherited cultural upbringings. After staying home with our sons for 13 years my wife returned to work and I went from working full time to part time, and I now am a stay at home dad. We have demonstrated for our boys the love of learning, and that working and caring for a family are both honorable responsibilities.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">For many years I believed that there were roles unsuitable for women simply because of their sex. As a result I thought less of women that took a “man’s job.” I was wrong. As a result I missed opportunities to learn from strong and courageous women. I’m grateful for a smart and confident wife who has demonstrated to our boys that when we do not view this world as a men vs. women competition society as a whole can benefit.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">As a middle-aged man I now see that the years I spent believing the lies that I was better than others due to being a man hurt me, and hurt others as well. Now that I know better, I hope to help my sons not go down the same paths I spent years on. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I have no grandiose notions that I will change the world. I do not believe I will single-handedly tear down the systemic sins that have festered for millennia. But I hope to remain teachable, and humble as I learn where I am wrong, and try to do better. And in the process, I hope my wife and I can shine a light on a better way for my sons as they navigate the world they were born into. And if we are successful, I believe the Church and society as a whole will benefit. </span></p>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-37431590175238271712023-08-22T23:20:00.002-04:002023-08-22T23:20:44.632-04:00Maturing or Just too Tired to Care?<p> <span>I don't know that I'm maturing, but I'm learning to use my valve. Years ago some of my relatives use to joke that one's "valve" is the thing that kept them from saying what they wanted to say, even if saying said thing wasn't helpful.</span><br /><br /><span>Over the past couple years, I've discovered that I'm far less inclined to try to convince someone that disagrees with me to change their position..on just about anything. This can be politics, religion, so on and so forth. </span><br /><br /><span>I don't think I've necessarily matured. I think I'm just tired. </span><br /><br /><span>Most of my life I was told that I had all of the answers, and as a result I was obligated to correct everyone who disagrees with me. I was taught this in church. I was taught this in Bible college. I was taught this at the Christian colleges I attended. This was also modeled for me in the Mennonite circles I've been in--although the way they demonstrated this was more through trying to put down those who disagree with them without trying to appear too proud. </span><br /><br /><span>Now when a co-worker starts a conversation about how the earth is flat, I just want the conversation to end. When another parent in the homeschooling co-op some of my kids attend touts a new Ken Ham book on apologetics, I just want the conversation to end. When the member of a small prayer group I've attended brings books written by the Pearls, because we said we don't spank our kids anymore, I just want the conversation to end. When a family member preaches about the sin of "pride" in June, but preaches a full month of sermons in July on how he's proud to be American, and if you aren't as proud as him he will help you pack, I just want the dialogue to end.</span><br /><br /><span>At 45 I have more questions and fewer answers than I had at 40, 30 or even 20. </span><br /><br /><span>A man I respect was asked a few years ago how certain he is about knowing the truth (the question was in regards to Jesus, but can be applied to other areas as well). This man shocked the one asking the question by saying that most days it's more than 51%. In the circles I grew up in, we were taught that we were to be 100% sure, so as not to be "tossed to and fro" like the Book of James warned against. But here is where I'm at. If I'm 100% confident in my beliefs, and I've hammered out all of the flaws, then I no longer need faith. And, if I never have questions or doubts I have no room for growth. </span><br /><br /><span>If new information comes along, I hope to be open to evaluating the information and using said information to reevaluate my beliefs. As my wife can attest, I do not easily change my beliefs. If I believe something to be true, it takes a lot of time, study and evidence for me to change my beliefs. But, that being said, if the evidence is there that my previous beliefs were incomplete, or incorrect, I am willing to change. </span><br /><br /><span>The younger version of myself, including the version of myself circulating online in 2020 or so, still had the impulse from my upbringing to try and convince everyone that if they disagreed with me they were wrong, and should change. Ok, by 2020 I probably wasn't that bad, but I still had those impulses. Anymore, I find myself simply uninterested in expending the mental energy to try and convince someone they are wrong. </span><br /><br /><span>While I do this poorly most of the time, anymore I just want to follow my convictions, be a decent human being, and try to leave the world a better place than I found it. I don't know if that means I'm maturing, or I just am too tired to try and change anyone when I realize I have a lot of things in my life I still need to work on. </span></p>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-19516017725489288112023-07-26T00:36:00.007-04:002023-07-28T00:16:39.869-04:00What Is My Value?<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What is a person's value? How do we even determine such a thing? Is a person valuable because of intrinsic value they have, as being created in the image of a deity, or is their value found in what they do?</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Over the past few years I've spent time looking deep inside myself trying to determine my worth. Growing up my worth was determined by how well I fit into a system. After much self examination, seeking outside help, reading plenty of books on the subject, I finally am at the point where I believe I have some worth. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Then today happened. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Let me backtrack a little. In 2020, yes the year that brought us COVID and taught us which of our friends bought into conspiracy theories, I became a manager at the company I had worked at for a few years. Granted, the company had just been sold to a new owner, and I became a manager after a few weeks under new ownership. The previous owner, who by the way was one of the best bosses I've ever had, had told me a year or so before that he was prepping me to become a manager. He gave me more and more responsibilities as time went on. A few drastic changes at the company led him to sell his company, which was a sub-contracting company for the larger corporation. The new owner didn't share the values of the previous owner. As a result, after becoming a manager, I learned the hard way that I was a commodity that could be used and abused for someone else's profit. As a result, after 1 year as manager, I stepped down, leaving the company altogether.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">In late 2021 I took my current position at a new company. I took about a 30% pay cut, but I was now working part time, instead of being employed full time..however my new job included insurance and a retirement plan, which were not included at my previous job. Oh, and did I mention that my previous job's salary was at the federal poverty line for our family? My current job requires me to work around 30 hours a week, much less than the 60-90 hours my previous job had required. I planned on sticking to my current position for the foreseeable future, until my boss' position became available. My boss, who I like and respect, is looking to retire (again). The position posted is for a trainee position, which will include a year of on the job training before taking the position. I am not a person who has to be in charge. However, I also understand that if the wrong person is put in a position of power it can quickly sink a ship so to speak. All that being said, I applied for the position in May. After two months of radio silence, I received an email a couple weeks ago saying they would like to interview me for the position. Two weeks ago I was interviewed and I thought the interview went well.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And this is where we get back to "Then today happened." Today I woke up to my phone ringing about 8am. I didn't answer the phone, but returned the call after ditching my half-asleep voice. The call was from an HR employee, calling to inform me I was being offered the position I interviewed for. The position I applied for is a top manager position, and I would be responsible for around 50 employees under me. My work hours would be considerably longer than my current hours, and the number of work days would go from 188 per year to over 260. </span><span style="font-family: arial;">The woman calling, whom I met at the
time of my interview, was very friendly. However, when she said what
the compensation was for the position, I was surprised. When adjusted for inflation, the salary for the new position would be about $300 a year more than the position left in 2021. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">With that news, I felt discouraged. But here is the difference. In 2023 I have a better understanding of my value. Unlike the past, I am not willing to allow others to determine my value. I told the woman calling me I would give them my answer in the next day or so. After hanging up, it didn't take me long to determine that they do not value me as much as I value me. So tonight I drafted my response. I understand that financially they may have restraints on how much they can pay employees, but that being said I am not willing to go back to working extended hours, taking time away from my family, and adding stress to my life for those who are not willing to compensate me fairly for my services. So, I turned down the position.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">This evening I feel discouraged. I believe I am more valuable than what they appear to believe I am. But I also feel empowered. I'm at a place, both financially and mentally, where I can say no thank you to those who do not see my value. If my employer has their hands tied, due to the nature of funding for the job, I am willing to acknowledge their predicament. But, if this was just an attempt by others to undercut the value of my time, then they failed. I don't know if the individuals who interviewed me have any say in the pay scale for the position I applied for. If they don't I feel bad for them. I feel that I would have been a good fit for the position. But if they do have a say, and were trying to gauge my value, I'm afraid their undervaluing of my worth caused them to lose me as a candidate. I believe I am worth more than they offered. I believe time with my family is worth more than they valued it at. I believe I have more, even with less money, than I would if I took the position and the added income. <br /><br />At 45 years old, I am still learning new things. I am learning I have value. And if others around me don't see that, they are likely to be the ones that lose out. <br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-14999706374763587722023-07-03T14:30:00.003-04:002023-07-03T14:31:14.360-04:00Learning From My Son<p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" color="windowtext" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">For the past few years, our sons that were old enough have attended a Mennonite camp in Kentucky. This started when I was pastoring a Mennonite church here in Ohio, and even after I stepped down and we left the church, we </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">have continued</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> to send our boys to camp</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW75466006 BCX0" color="windowtext" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> </span></span></p><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75466006 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{db532827-beb2-48dd-a4cd-1d68672ba2bb}{223}" paraid="1952241463" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">This past week our oldest, 14-year-old who just finished his </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">freshman</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> year in public school, attended the teen week at camp. What I </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">didn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> know ahead of time was the man who was my overseer when I was a pastor was the speaker at camp for the week. </span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75466006 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{db532827-beb2-48dd-a4cd-1d68672ba2bb}{223}" paraid="1952241463" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75466006 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{0728331b-58a2-4a4e-a499-91457d5cffa0}{211}" paraid="1298406096" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">Midway through the week my former Overseer posted pictures to Facebook, and so I knew he was at the camp. When Tricia went to pick up my son, she saw the Overseer and his wife, and they exchanged pleasantries. They asked why Tricia was there and she said it was to pick up our son—at which point the speaker connected the dots between our son and us.</span><span class="EOP SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75466006 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{0728331b-58a2-4a4e-a499-91457d5cffa0}{211}" paraid="1298406096" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75466006 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{6b8eb95e-02ad-4320-adbc-d7d8074c3985}{77}" paraid="1701895438" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">On the ride home, my son said he had multiple conversations with the speaker throughout the week. The speaker said my son looked </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">familiar, but</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">couldn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> place where he knew my him from (the last time he would have seen my son was </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">probably 4</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> years ago, before my son grew to 5’10” and went from a buzz cut to hair that is </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">half way</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> down his back). </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75466006 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{6b8eb95e-02ad-4320-adbc-d7d8074c3985}{77}" paraid="1701895438" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75466006 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{3190db1d-c829-4541-bf86-98d88b8716ab}{144}" paraid="478437496" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">During one of the chapel services at camp, the speaker said something </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">regarding</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> how the Bible clearly says... After the chapel service, my son approached the speaker to ask how he interprets the scripture (verbal plenary, etc.). After a time or two of him asking questions of the speaker, he said the speaker started to soften the hardline tone of his messages. </span></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW75466006 BCX0" face="WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;"> </span><br class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;" /></span><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px;"><span class="TextRun EmptyTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"></span></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW75466006 BCX0" face="WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;"> </span><br class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;" /></span><span class="TextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I’m proud of my son. He is becoming a thoughtful young man, who </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">isn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> intimidated by his youthfulness or the speaker standing on stage. If something </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">doesn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> sound right, or if it goes against the convictions he has, he will speak up and ask questions. As far as I have seen, he does this in a much more tactful way than I do at times. </span></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW75466006 BCX0" face="WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;" /></span><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px;"><span class="TextRun EmptyTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"></span></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW75466006 BCX0" face="WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;"> </span><br class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;" /></span><span class="TextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">We have been </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">very open</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> with our sons as we have walked through this season of deconstruction/decompressing/reconstruction that we have been going through for the past few years. Sometimes our dinner conversations are back and forth on what we believe or why we think the way we do. Sometimes we ask a son or sons to watch a series, such as Shinny Happy People, with us. Recently, as we were driving to New York for my brother-in-law's funeral, at least of my sons asked if we could listen to The Holy Post podcast. All of them, in </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">different ways</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">, said they like listening to it with mom and dad because it leads to good discussions. </span></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW75466006 BCX0" face="WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;"> </span><br class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;" /></span><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px;"><span class="TextRun EmptyTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"></span></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW75466006 BCX0" face="WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;"> </span><br class="SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;" /></span><span class="TextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I’m not sure what my former Overseer thinks about Tricia and I after our son pushed back to what he said during his messages. Honestly, I </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">don’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> really care. I am grateful that my son, at 14, is finding his voice. At times I look at him and imagine how my life would have been different if I had found my voice at 14 instead of not really finding my voice until I was in </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">my</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75466006 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> 40’s</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW75466006 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-41974495157694925452023-06-22T12:04:00.004-04:002023-06-22T12:14:58.576-04:00Finding My Voice<p><span class="TextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" color="windowtext" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US">“When you’re 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you’re 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.” </span><span class="EOP SCXW198113500 BCX0" color="windowtext" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> </span></p><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW198113500 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{69d091aa-bf1a-4cbd-ac47-314fb03721a9}{230}" paraid="1626371447" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I came across this quote a few years ago. And while the ages may </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">vary somewhat</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">, I found a lot of truth in its premises. Spending the first 40 years of my life in the circles I did came with a lot of expectations. Different circles had </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">different roles</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> that I was to play. And, while slight deviations may be tolerated, if I </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">didn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> stay in my assigned lane, I would overstay my welcome. </span></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW198113500 BCX0" face="WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;"> </span><br class="SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;" /></span><span class="TextRun EmptyTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW198113500 BCX0" face="WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;"> </span><br class="SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; user-select: text;" /></span><span class="TextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">At a few different points in my life, I have felt more at liberty to spread my wings to try and find out who I was. But, in hindsight, I see that even in those situations it </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">didn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> take long for others to form their opinions of who I should be. Sometimes people would verbalize their opinions, but other times the expectations were unspoken. My inherited culture values conformity over individuality. After short-lived periods of trying to find out who I was, inevitably I stifled my individuality and conformed. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW198113500 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{69d091aa-bf1a-4cbd-ac47-314fb03721a9}{230}" paraid="1626371447" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW198113500 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{11cdf671-6255-4e45-994d-2f08045a3edd}{68}" paraid="919179453" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Around age 40 I started to find my voice. I began to speak up about the grooming that had taken place at the church I attended as a child. I began to express that spiritual abuse had taken place at different points in my life. In my mid-30's, as I studied the words of Jesus more and more, I had a shift in my thinking </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">regarding</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> victims of injustice, whether they be </span><span class="NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2, url('data:image/svg+xml;base64,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')); background-position: 0% 100%; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">abuse</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> victims, victims of sexism, victims of racism, and so on. And when I began to speak up for the oppressed, I received considerable push back from many in the circles I had camped in for my entire life. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">But</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> I was moving from the first stage in the above quote to the second stage. If something is the right thing to do, it is right no matter what opposition I face. This is a lesson </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I’d</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">taught</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> my sons since they were old enough to understand. Now, it was time for me to practice what I was preaching</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW198113500 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{11cdf671-6255-4e45-994d-2f08045a3edd}{68}" paraid="919179453" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW198113500 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{1d2be702-3293-4004-9409-57b208bfaa9b}{211}" paraid="729219831" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Finding my </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">voice, and</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> trying once again to find out who I am, has been a difficult and lonely journey. As I learned more about myself, I learned that some of my friendships were unhealthy. I learned that it is necessary at times to place boundaries, that if ignored by those in your life may lead to ending relationships. I also have learned that if one </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">doesn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> fit neatly into easily defined boxes, they may struggle to ever feel at home. </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none;">This journey is not one I enjoy. But it is the journey I need to be on. </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW198113500 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{13e83818-97e4-4e80-85ee-a36f11360f1e}{57}" paraid="1573995768" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW198113500 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{13e83818-97e4-4e80-85ee-a36f11360f1e}{57}" paraid="1573995768" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As I openly discuss with my sons the pitfalls that plagued my life for 40 years, I hope that </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">maybe they</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> will not fall into the same traps that I allowed myself to </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">stay</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> stuck in. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Maybe,</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> they will be mentally and spiritually healthier at age 20 than I am at 45. And </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">maybe at</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> 45 they will be thriving, instead of just trying to figure life out.</span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW198113500 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{b6b015d6-52dd-4735-970c-488fde82514b}{221}" paraid="197394791" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW198113500 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW198113500 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-15241224658040491112023-06-18T22:30:00.002-04:002023-06-18T22:30:11.472-04:00Ray, Me and IBLP<p> <span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I want a better future for </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">my</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> sons than I had </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">growin</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">g</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> u</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">p</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> </span></p><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{179}" paraid="28871965" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">That statement alone is enough to bring up heated discussions amongst some families</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">When some people hear a statement like that, they begin to make assumptions about the person who </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">makes the suggestion</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{185}" paraid="1981729499" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I come from, by many people’s standards, a large family</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">There were six of us children, and I am the youngest</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As I have interacted with larger families over the years, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I have</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> noticed that siblings do not always have the same outlook on their upbringings</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Even if most siblings’ home life was similar, some may have mostly positive outlook on their upbringing, while others have mixed or negative </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">perspective</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{185}" paraid="1981729499" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{203}" paraid="694114248" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I recently had a conversation with Greg, a friend who I know from a </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">small house</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> church I attend</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Greg is a retired licensed counselor</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">During one of our conversations, Greg mentioned that a handful of memories from one’s childhood tend to shape the way we view our past</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">If the primary memories from our developing years are positive, despite negative events that may have occurred, a person’s outlook is likely to be more positive in nature</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">However, if the inverse is true, one’s positive experiences will be overshadowed by the prominent negative memories that come to the forefront in their minds</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{203}" paraid="694114248" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{213}" paraid="4701388" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Recently, two major documentary series have been released</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">One series, “Shiny Happy People,</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">”</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> explored the Dugger family and their association with Bill Gothard’s Institute for Basic Life Principles (IBLP)</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">The second series, “The Secrets of Hillsong,</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">”</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> documents the rise and fall of the Hillsong church movement that started in </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Australia, but</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> spread around the world</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{213}" paraid="4701388" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{60fcad1f-75f5-4022-9752-faf89ff65e6d}{141}" paraid="1645879892" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">Both series hit close to home at times, as I try to deconstruct the elements of my faith tradition that were unhealthy, and cling to the faith I believe to be genuine.</span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> Tricia and I decided to watch both series with our oldest son, Reuel (Ray).</span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{60fcad1f-75f5-4022-9752-faf89ff65e6d}{141}" paraid="1645879892" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{231}" paraid="45518748" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I want a better future for my sons than I had growing up.</span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{231}" paraid="45518748" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{247}" paraid="1533853345" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I would describe my family of origin as being IBLP adjacent</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">My parents, and later all six of us children, attended Bill Gothard’s seminars—some on </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">numerous</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> occasions</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">IBLP, as was discussed in the docuseries, had a homeschooling arm to their ministry called the Advanced Training Institute, or ATI for short</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As the series points out, ATI was touted as a catch-all homeschooling program, claiming it was like being homeschooled but also receiving an education that was equivalent to pre-med and pre-law school. After attending several IBLP seminars, my mom was ready to switch our family from homeschooling through Pensacola Christian College’s Abeka home schooling curriculum to Gothard’s ATI</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">There was one problem</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As Gothard would put it, there was a hole in the Lewis umbrella</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">My father, who was working 50-</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">60 hours</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> a week then and until he retired a decade after I graduated high school, was unavailable and unwilling to be involved </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">to</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> the level Gothard’s plan required</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">So, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">ATI d</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">id not happen for the Lewises</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{370c7b66-a037-407e-bf07-77bb7498893e}{247}" paraid="1533853345" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{285ca561-2feb-4585-af71-6b569e885f22}{14}" paraid="1446438181" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As far as churches go, the church I spent the first 21 years of my life associated </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">with</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> was the church that had loaded up </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">busses</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> to send people off to Gothard’s IBLP seminars for years, if not a decade</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">This same church</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> played a role in stifling my spiritual growth over the first two-plus decades of my life</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As was shown in “Shiny Happy People,</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">”</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> obedience was expected amongst proponents of ILBP’s model of Christianity</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As a result, when I began to question how teachings of the church lined up with what I read in the Bible during my teen years, I was quickly reminded that questioning one in authority was a sign of a rebellious heart, and such questions would not be welcome at our church</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As a result, I stifled questions I had, and put my faith on the back burner </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">as to</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> not </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">upset</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> those in authority at my church. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{285ca561-2feb-4585-af71-6b569e885f22}{14}" paraid="1446438181" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{c6491b88-67c0-4565-9db9-d84ae9c0a44d}{198}" paraid="669854232" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">That type of environment still </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">has an effect on</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> my life today</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">To this day I often do not trust my own feelings and gut</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">My upbringing taught me that my feelings </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">were not</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> to be trusted</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Instead, I was to trust those that God had put in leadership over me</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Turns out, many of those that God “placed” in leadership were less than </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">godly, and</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> should have been viewed with a healthy dose of skepticism</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Do I want my sons to have faith in and follow Jesus</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">? </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I do</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">But I want them to engage their faith with their eyes wide open; not follow blindly out of fear of repercussions</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{c6491b88-67c0-4565-9db9-d84ae9c0a44d}{198}" paraid="669854232" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{9c51647c-204c-4eb0-8f1a-eaca461bd391}{238}" paraid="831450382" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I want a better future for my sons than I had growing up</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{9c51647c-204c-4eb0-8f1a-eaca461bd391}{238}" paraid="831450382" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{9c51647c-204c-4eb0-8f1a-eaca461bd391}{230}" paraid="1888354582" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Watching “The Secrets of Hillsong” brought up some of the same issues as “Shiny Happy People.” One such issue was Hillsong’s college program in Australia</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">This program was touted as being all you need to be effective in ministry, and yet it left graduates underqualified for </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">just about any</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> position, anywhere</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">While I realize higher education is not </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">feasible</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> for everyone, I am a strong proponent of continuing to learn, not “just to get a job.” Attending a conservative Christian university was one of the better decisions </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I have</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> made</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">While I do not agree with many of the school’s positions, at the time I attended the school, they encouraged their students to read outside their comfort zones and to think</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">In the process of doing</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> so, I began to form my worldview and beliefs</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Unfortunately, in the two-plus decades since I graduated with my B.A., the school I attended has shifted in a direction that is more like IBLP—where now compliance and knowing what to think is more important than teaching students how to think</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap !important; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{9c51647c-204c-4eb0-8f1a-eaca461bd391}{230}" paraid="1888354582" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br class="SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap !important; user-select: text;" /></span><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Starting with their homeschooling, and now as some transition to attending public school, my wife and I have encouraged our boys all along to ask questions, to use discernment when </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">encountering</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> teachings</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Unfortunately, this is something I </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">wasn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> encouraged to do while I was their age</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">The world I was raised in was binary: good or evil, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">right</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> or wrong</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">While I still believe in good and evil, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">right</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> and wrong, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I believe there</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> are many shades of gray that we need to work through as we walk through our lives</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I hope my boys are better equipped to walk these paths than I was equipped to when I moved into adulthood.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{12e0fbaa-c6f7-42bc-b6b2-06a37852e1f8}{96}" paraid="1131042300" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I want a better future for my sons than I had growing up</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{12e0fbaa-c6f7-42bc-b6b2-06a37852e1f8}{96}" paraid="1131042300" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{12e0fbaa-c6f7-42bc-b6b2-06a37852e1f8}{28}" paraid="1984805115" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Hillsong was </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">similar to</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> IBLP in that the person at the top, Brian Houston, was the ultimate authority</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Upset him and things </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">would</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> not go well for you</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As the series documented, Houston could, and would, use his power and voice to ruin those that he felt to be a threat</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap !important; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{12e0fbaa-c6f7-42bc-b6b2-06a37852e1f8}{28}" paraid="1984805115" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="LineBreakBlob BlobObject DragDrop SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: WordVisiCarriageReturn_MSFontService, Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br class="SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap !important; user-select: text;" /></span><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">While I never experienced abuse of power to the level that Gothard and Houston modeled, I too have experienced abuse of power in the church</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">The church I attended for a long time had a policy that the pastoral team was not to know how much people in the church were giving financially</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">That policy was likely put into place so that the pastors </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">wouldn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> use that information to cater to the big </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">donors, or</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> use that information for selfish gain</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Then one pastor said they needed access to that information</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">don’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> recall exactly what was said, but it was under the guise of seeing who was being faithful to the Lord in their giving</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">It did not take long for this pastor to start calling out people from the pulpit, accusing them of trying to bring down his ministry</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Then it was discovered that he did not have an earned degree, as he said he did and was paid accordingly, but instead had gotten his “degree” for a small fee online</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Once he realized he had lost his ultimate authority, he split, but not before splitting the church. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{12e0fbaa-c6f7-42bc-b6b2-06a37852e1f8}{28}" paraid="1984805115" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{5392b600-b9c2-47fd-9dc5-a4f3a3db737f}{37}" paraid="1582965631" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Another person in a church I was involved with that wielded an unhealthy amount of authority was not a pastor, but a member of the church</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I was on the pastoral team at the time, and it did not take long for me to realize that this person held more sway than any member of the leadership team</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">But unlike those on the </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">leadership</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> team, this person had ties to </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">previous</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> church leaders</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">So, any decision that challenged the status quo was a challenge to the structures their family had put into play. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{5392b600-b9c2-47fd-9dc5-a4f3a3db737f}{37}" paraid="1582965631" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{7fe842dd-476d-4209-b361-d3415fe6456e}{18}" paraid="659762266" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Two decades earlier, I was able to see the abuse of power on display and I left the church seeking a healthier community</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">But this time I was worn </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">down, and</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> did not recognize the abuse of power until several years after I left the pastorate, the church, and was well into my third bout of deconstruction</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I wonder if I had been healthier--mentally, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">physically</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> and spiritually--how I would have handled things</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{7fe842dd-476d-4209-b361-d3415fe6456e}{18}" paraid="659762266" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{7fe842dd-476d-4209-b361-d3415fe6456e}{97}" paraid="1608577500" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I want a better future for my sons than I had growing up.</span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{7fe842dd-476d-4209-b361-d3415fe6456e}{97}" paraid="1608577500" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{56feaea4-9967-4bdd-a526-7a93e3d01d85}{30}" paraid="1980134191" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I wish I had believed in seeking mental health sooner</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Earlier in life, I was taught that mental health issues were spiritual issues</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">If unresolved sin issues in one’s life were dealt with, mental health issues a person faced would be resolved</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I hope my sons realize that everyone can </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">benefit</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> from mental health help, and that one can have mental health issues even without having unresolved sin in their lives</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Maybe they</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">will not</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> wait until they are in their 40’s to seek help.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{56feaea4-9967-4bdd-a526-7a93e3d01d85}{30}" paraid="1980134191" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{652b40c0-7452-4213-8fcf-d57b4c5c07fd}{253}" paraid="128091123" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I want a better future for my sons than I had growing up</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" paraeid="{652b40c0-7452-4213-8fcf-d57b4c5c07fd}{253}" paraid="128091123" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{652b40c0-7452-4213-8fcf-d57b4c5c07fd}{245}" paraid="1798623983" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Growing up, I</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> thought the adults around me had things figured out in life</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">They sure looked like they did</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">On the rare occasion I, through courage or stupidity, asked difficult questions--the kind not really approved of in IBLP circles--the questions were rarely answered, and more furrowed brows, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">tisk</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">tisk</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">tisking</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">, and disapproving looks followed</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As time went on, I stifled my questions, and along with it my faith, and went along playing “church” </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">to</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> not ruffle any feathers</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{652b40c0-7452-4213-8fcf-d57b4c5c07fd}{245}" paraid="1798623983" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{9f045d33-8875-4c06-ab2f-a6e168aeb651}{247}" paraid="1467441656" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">In our home my wife and I have open conversations with our boys about difficult issues</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">That is why my </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">wife</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> and I made the decision to watch both series with our oldest son. This is part of our </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">dialoguing</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> with our sons about difficult discussions </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">regarding</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> faith, politics, race, sexuality, and so forth</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">At almost 15, my son has a healthier view of some of the issues in the series that still are triggering for me</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">He </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">can</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> see some of the unhealthy things for what they are—unhealthy</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I, on the other hand, am still trying to peel back the layers of the indoctrination I received over the first 30-40 years of my life that have me questioning my own understanding of some of these topics</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{9f045d33-8875-4c06-ab2f-a6e168aeb651}{247}" paraid="1467441656" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{8152700a-9ea1-4393-b70d-e1b7c9d05837}{223}" paraid="640538293" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I want a better future for my sons than I had growing up.</span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{8152700a-9ea1-4393-b70d-e1b7c9d05837}{223}" paraid="640538293" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW119901096 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{8152700a-9ea1-4393-b70d-e1b7c9d05837}{215}" paraid="1098438648" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As I look back at my childhood, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I believe my parents</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> were doing what they believed to be best in how they raised me and my sisters</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">There are many positives I have taken away from my upbringing</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">As I walk alongside my sons during these formative years, I have incorporated into my parenting</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">But I </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">don’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> want to be clones of my parents’ approach to parenting</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I want to hold on to the </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">good, and</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> improve in other areas</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I want to let go of the parts that </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">aren’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">helpful, and</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> be flexible enough to not allow these changes to make me lose focus of the task at hand</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">And you know what</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">? </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">If my sons become fathers in the future, I hope they do not parent the same way I do</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I know I make mistakes</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I know I could have and should have done better in </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">numerous</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> areas</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">My desire is that my sons will see my attempts to parent them as best I knew how as exactly that: my attempts to parent them as best I knew how</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I want a better future, not only for my sons, but also for their children and their children’s children</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW119901096 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW119901096 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-16623365940191165792023-05-21T18:53:00.003-04:002023-05-21T19:02:17.621-04:00Communicating "Clearly" our Christianese<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Growing up in the United States has had it’s advantages. One of those advantages is being a native American English speaker. American English may be one of the most difficult languages to master. From the plethora of different sounds that ough can make (ie: rough, plough, through, though, thorough, and cough). Then there are the homophones that make American English confusing to non-native speakers (ie: “The students are with their teacher, but I’m not sure how long they’re going to stay there.”) As a native speaker, I take for granted the ease in which I can decipher my first language. </div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In high school I studied Spanish for two years. Ironically, one of my Spanish teachers had spent time in Spain, and the second teacher had spent time in Venezuela. So, after learning Spanish with a Spain-bent, some (maybe much?) of the second year of Spanish class was spent “correcting” our Spanish to match what the second teacher felt was correct. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">American English isn’t the only language I learned from the time I was a toddler. I was also raised to speak a dialect ofAmerican-fundamentalist/Evangelical Christianity that I will call Christianese. Those that were born into these dialects, and yes there are more than one, have little difficulty navigating the Christianese equivalent of the “oughs”. After all we’ve heard the nuances from the cradle. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This last week I was at a funeral from my brother-in-law. At the funeral multiple different pastors spoke about how Ron believed having a relationship with Jesus was the most important thing in life. Words like gospel, redemption, sacrifice, relationship and many others were used time and time again to try and relay the message that the pastors believe Ron would want those in attendance to hear. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I have sat through such homilies countless times in my life. After the funeral, I heard many well-intentioned individuals express how it was great to have such a “clear gospel presentation” given to for the benefit of those in attendance who were not “Christians.” But I believe there is a problem, a language problem, with both this style of presentation of the religious beliefs shared as well as the statements about how “clear” the presentations were. There is a minimum level of Christianese literacy necessary for someone to understand the “clear” message that was presented. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Over the past 15 years or so I have navigated my way outside the Fundamentalist/Evangelical circles where I spent the first three decades of my life. My first venture outside my inherited religious camp was in a middle-of-the-road Anabaptist church. While attending, and later pastoring this church for a season, I learned that some of the same words I grew up hearing in my F/E churches were used, but at times they carried slightly different meanings. More recently, I have been active in a predominantly African-American church, and the same is true there. All three camps use similar words, but at times these words mean different things to the different camps.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Returning to the “clear” message presented at the funeral this past week, I sat in my pew listening to all three pastors talk about Ron’s faith, a faith they believe is necessary for all to have. But, even as one who has similar religious beliefs to what my brother-in-law had, I found the messages presented to be so interwoven with Christianese that anyone who had not mastered the Christianese dialect being used would find the message near impossible to understand. I know many of those speaking about how grateful they were that there was a clear message given, really do believe the homily was a clear presentation of their belief system. They believe this because they have mastered the dialect. And I know the pastors who gave the homilies truly believe they gave clear presentations of their belief system, because they have mastered the dialect. In the past I’ve sat in the church pews and believed a presentation was clear, and I’ve also stood up front and delivered a homily I believed to be clear. I no longer even know what a clear message looks like.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">When I communicate with my wife or sons I use certain terms and phrases on a regular basis. These terms and phrases are used often enough that we understand each other. The same is true about people I work with, fans of the same sports I enjoy, people of similar political leanings, and so forth. Each different circle I may occupy may have a sub-language that is “clearly” understood to most in that circle, but is paramount to a foreign language to those outside our circle. And if we wish to communicate something to someone outside our circle, we need to ditch the vernacular that is commonly accepted by insiders.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The question I have at the moment is, what would a “clear” message presenting my belief system look like? It’s easy to point out at times how other people’s presentations are as clear as mud, but to just point out how others do it poorly doesn’t help much. How can I rethink my communication so as to have less confusion, and more clarity, when I talk to people from outside of any of the circles I occupy? At this point, I have more questions than answers.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-85094606282133277912023-04-08T00:31:00.001-04:002023-04-08T00:31:58.404-04:00Finding Somewhere I Belong When It's Easier to Run<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As humans we are social creatures. From early childhood, we tend to gravitate towards others to interact with. As we grew and matured we likely found some social circles loosing appeal, while we were finding other circles more attractive.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As someone who was raised in fundamentalist/evangelical Christianity, many of the circles I felt at home in were tied to my religious roots. From a young age I was taught to be skeptical of those that did not share similar beliefs and practices with me. It was OK to be "friendly" with those outside my circles, but I needed to remember that I was in the circle, and they were outside the circle. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As I’ve written before, I am on my third deconstruction/reconstruction(?) over the past almost 3 decades. Each time I have deconstructed I find old circles where I no longer feel at home. This doesn’t mean these circles weren’t of value, at least for a season, but they no longer were a part of shaping and molding me into the person I was becoming. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My first two D/R experiences feel like minor shifts compared to my current deconstruction. My first, when I was 18, was a move away from fundamentalism and finding what faith was my own vs. just carrying on the faith my parents and others around me possessed. My second, about a decade later, was more of a shift from the American Christian Nationalism circle I had occupied from childhood into a two-kingdom theology. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Deconstruction number 3 goes deeper and is trying to strip away the countless layers to find out if the circles I’ve occupied actually have a solid foundation, or if they are one layer of veneer on top of countless more layers of veneer. Looking at it another way, if you have enough sheets of paper stacked up you can stop a bullet. But when each piece of paper is removed, the whole becomes more vulnerable if there isn’t something more solid at the foundation. Most days I want to find out if there is something at the root of it all, or if I’ve just been convinced that I’m in safer circles than the alternatives. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">During my first two bouts with deconstruction, the wrestling was more internal than external. As a teen and later as a 20-something, I hadn’t found the courage or voice to admit that I wasn’t sure about what I’d been taught to believe. As someone whose almost as close to 90 years old as I am to the day I was born, I’m either finding my voice or at least the courage to say the questions and doubts I have out loud. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As I continue to strip away the layers that have built up, not only over my lifetime but also the millennia before me, I find that more and more people in the circles I’ve occupied no longer are comfortable around me. For some, their faith is so fragile, that the idea of asking certain questions becomes paramount to pulling the rug out from under them. So, instead of considering the legitimacy of any questions, they shrink the size of their circle to eliminate those that make them uncomfortable. And, for others, the dogmatism of their circles make me uncomfortable, and as someone who wants better for my sons than I had, I have distanced myself from their circles. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For the last week or so I’ve had a CD in my van as I’m driving. I remembering buying this CD more than 20 years ago while I was on vacation, visiting my sister in Orlando. And while I’ve liked this album for decades, the lyrics of several songs hit closer to home now than when I was an angsty youth in my mid 20’s. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">When this began,</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I had nothing to say </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(I was confused)</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And I let it all out to find that I'm not the only person with these things in mind (inside of me)</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But all the vacancy the words revealed</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Is the only real thing that I got left to feel (nothing to lose)</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Just stuck, hollow and alone</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And the fault is my own,</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And the fault is my own</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I want to heal, I want to feel,</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">What I thought was never real</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I want to let go of the pain I felt so long (erase all the pain 'til it's gone)</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I want to heal, I want to feel</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Like I'm close to something real</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I want to find something I've wanted all along</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Somewhere I belong</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(Linkin Park “Somewhere I Belong”)</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">While my wife and I often find we have more in common with Xennials, over Gen-X or Millennials, when it comes to this song and the sort of feelings it entails, I wonder if I have more Gen-X in me than I often acknowledge. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Just a few songs later, on the same album, the artist acknowledges it’s “Easier to Run”, than to face some difficult aspects of life.</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Just washing it aside</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">All of the helplessness inside</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Pretending I don't feel misplaced</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Is so much simpler than change</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It's easier to run</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Replacing this pain with something numb</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It's so much easier to go</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Than face all this pain here all alone</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It’s easier to run from what we actually feel, when conformity is such a highly held virtue in our circles. But as a result, we wind up hiding from the genuine questions we have, and wind up being just a façade of the real us. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Finishing off the album is the song “Numb”, which probably sums up my current feeling regarding many who have tried to make sure I didn’t leave their circles over my nearly 4 and a half decades of life.</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm tired of being what you want me to be</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I don't know what you're expecting of me</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Every step that I take is another mistake to you</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I've become so numb I can't feel you there</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Become so tired so much more aware</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm becoming this all I want to do</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Is be more like me and be less like you</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Can't you see that you're smothering me?</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Cause everything that you thought I would be</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Has fallen apart right in front of you</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Every step that I take is another mistake to you</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And every second I waste is more than I can take</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I've become so numb I can't feel you there</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Become so tired so much more aware</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm becoming this all I want to do</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Is be more like me and be less like you</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And I know I may end up failing too</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But I know you were just like me</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">With someone disappointed in you</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I've become so numb I can't feel you there</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Become so tired so much more aware</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm becoming this all I want to do</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Is be more like me and be less like you</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">When I first listened to the album Meteora, in early 2003, I had no idea how much I would resonate with the lyrics decades later. But being created as a social creature, I still long to find Somewhere I Belong. But, as I seek to uncover truth in my faith journey, I sometimes feel Numb, and realize it’s Easier to Run than risk falling under the spell of those who would seek to conform me to their image, instead of the image of the One I still believe I want to conform to. I also hope that my journey ends differently than the singer who sang these songs. In 2017, Chester Bennington took his own life. </div></div></blockquote><p> </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div><br /></div></div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-34416971990346639412023-03-13T20:21:00.004-04:002023-03-13T20:21:33.763-04:00New Wave Music Has Me Wondering "What's Wrong With Me?"<p>Last week I dusted off, quite literally, an album that I haven’t listened to in years. I put the 25 year old CD in my van and have been listening to it as I drive to and from work. I haven’t listened to this song in probably over a decade, and even then, I'm not sure I ever paid attention to the lyrics.<br /><br />The Echoing Green song <i>Accidentally 4th St (Gloria)</i> is a cover of a New Wave song by the band Figures on the Beach, originally released in the late 80’s. The song, in three verses, sums up life as fallen creatures here in the United States of America. <br /><br />Verse 1<br /><br /><i>Well, we're looking at the cover
<br />Spending all our time<br />
Just staring at the magazine
<br />Well, look who's on the cover
<br />Wasting all our time
<br />Some psuedo-fascist hero machine
<br />Well, that's no space for a human being
<br />That man is not a hero or saint
<br />When somewhere in deepest America
<br />Grown men weep at the sound of his name</i><br /><br />In just three verses, we are reminded that what we see and experience now is not new, but just more of the history that is repeating itself. As verse one shows, there is a tendency to make a hero out of a man who is "no hero or saint". As I recall, the country elected such a man in 2016. <br /><br />Verse 2<br /><i>Well, I grew up where they showed you the body count<br />
In color on the dinner TV
<br />And I've been numbed so insensitive
<br />That all I can think about is you and me
<br />Children from the best homes
<br />They all have guns and butter
<br />They have their share of murder blue
<br />Well it's not such a wiggy
<br />Awesome-good-time
<br />When a shopping mall milita point their cannons at you</i><br /><br />Verse two could easily be updated to the numbness that can come from over-saturation of news. We can read about a horrible tragedy and continue to scroll. After all, if it doesn't affect me, then I can continue life as if nothing happened. And that's not even asking if the second half of the verse foreshadowed cancel culture.<br /><br />
Verse 3<br /><i>Everyone believes in the stories
<br />'bout the Cadillacs<br />
Everybody's got enough to eat
<br />And people always keep their eyes
<br />Glued to the ground
<br />When a desperate man, he's gotta cling to the street
<br />And I swear to myself I will help them
<br />I will be an upstanding man
<br />But when I walk by and I hear them cry
<br />That money just sticks to my hand, what's wrong with me?</i><br /><br />And before I get too comfortable, verse three points it's cannons at me. Even if not by U.S. standards, most of us are extremely wealthy. And yet, when we encounter someone truly in need do we help them, or does the "<i>money just stick to my hand</i>"? As someone who has been there, and done that, I find myself asking the same refrain "<i>What's wrong with me?</i>" Why is it easier to avoid eye contact with those in need, keep my eyes "glued to the ground", then to help those made in the Image of God?<br /><br />I knew nothing about Figures on the Beach before today. And I had mostly forgotten about The Echoing Green's self-titled album until I rummaged through my CD collection for something to listen to last week. Once again I've been reminded that food for thought, and pricking of one's conscience, can come from unexpected places. </p>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-8423445075072408712023-02-18T13:26:00.003-05:002023-02-18T13:26:57.823-05:00Looking for Harmony in a World of Division<p>In the Spring of 2008 my wife and I moved back to the United States from Japan. One day as I was driving the back roads in our part of rural Mid-Ohio, I drove past a church sign that caught my eye. I cannot quote exactly what the sign said, but I remember the gist of its message. Under the name of the church the sign said, “fundamental, evangelical, Bible believing, KJV, Pre-Tribulational Pre-Millenial, Dispensationalist church”. (I think I am missing some, but you get my point). The church name included the name of the township where the church was located: Harmony.</p><p>A quarter century ago, Bible college student Randy probably would have not only agreed with most of their stated doctrinal positions, but I would have applauded them for putting them out front and center. But, as I grow older, I wonder what such a church, much less church sign, does for promoting harmony in the universal church. </p><p>Last year I was talking to a few friends who previously attended church together in a southern state. However the church fractured, with members going multiple directions. Now one church makes up several smaller churches. I could relate to my friends, because during my formative years, the church my family attended went through two church splits. </p><p>Our churches are not alone in this experience. Statistics show that Christians are becoming more fractured as the years go by. As of 2019 there are more than 2.5 billion Christians in the world, and over 41,000 denominations (https://www.learnreligions.com/christianity-statistics-700533). </p><p>By the numbers, that means there is a denomination for roughly every 49,000 Christians. When you consider more than half of Christians worldwide are Roman Catholics (1.3 billion), the average number of people in the remaining denominations decreases greatly. </p><p>In John 17 Jesus prayed that we would be one (vs. 22), living in unity (vs. 23). This, He said, would let the world know that the Father sent Jesus and that the Father loves the world (vs. 23). Nearly 2000 years after Jesus prayed this prayer, those who claim to follow Jesus are increasingly fragmenting. </p><p>A number of years ago I stumbled on a video of Rich Mullins. In the video, Mullins spoke about how his song Creed came about. While he and a friend were on the road, they were talking about what is necessary for someone to be a Christian. After who knows how long, they whittled down all the beliefs that are found in churches into a short list of the essential beliefs for Christians—a list common in the creeds of the early church.</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><i>I believe in God the Father</i></p><p><i>Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth</i></p><p><i>And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son our Lord</i></p><p><i>He was conceived by the Holy Spirit</i></p><p><i>Born of the virgin Mary</i></p><p><i>Suffered under Pontius Pilate</i></p><p><i>He was crucified and dead and buried</i></p><p><i>…</i></p><p><i>I believe that He who suffered was crucified buried and dead</i></p><p><i>He descended into hell and on the third day rose again</i></p><p><i>He ascended into Heaven where He sits at God's mighty right hand</i></p><p><i>I believe that He's returning</i></p><p><i>To judge the quick and the dead of the sons of men</i></p><p><i>…</i></p><p><i>I believe in the Holy Spirit</i></p><p><i>One Holy Church</i></p><p><i>The communion of Saints</i></p><p><i>The forgiveness of sin</i></p><p><i>I believe in the resurrection</i></p><p><i>I believe in a life that never ends</i></p></blockquote><p>This list is relatively short, but targets many/most/all(?)of the major tenants of the Christian faith. I believe Mullin’s point was other issues, while they may feel significant, are not crucial to one’s Christian faith. I agree with him. </p><p>I believe the list of essentials to be a Christian is rather short. I also acknowledge that there are a lot of secondary issues in which Christians can disagree with each other on, while still being a genuine follower of Jesus. Without spending a lot of time thinking about it, here are some examples that come to mind of what I consider secondary issues:</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>-Christians relation to the state (voting, military service, saying pledge, etc.)</p><p>-mode/meaning of baptism</p><p>-the role of women in the church and church leadership</p><p>-origins (literal 6 day creation, old earth, theistic evolution, etc.)</p><p>-eschatology </p><p>-inerrancy of the Bible</p><p>-hell (eternal conscience torment, annihilationism, etc.)</p><p>-how to interpret/read the Bible</p></blockquote><p>When it comes to secondary issues, there will be disagreements amongst Christians. Some of these disagreements may be big, and may lead individuals to not choose to fellowship together in a local church setting. But, when it comes to secondary issues, I think it is important for us not to draw circles around such issues, delineating who are Christians and who are not. </p><p>As I look back over the past 25 years or so, two contrasting experiences come to mind. </p><p>Around the turn of the century, I was attending a conservative evangelical college in Ohio. While in school I worked part time for the university. One day a co-worker said “I’m not sure I could ever work with a Democrat.” For her, who someone voted for was a deal breaker on who she was willing to fellowship with. </p><p>Another example came a few years later when my wife and I were living in Japan. While living and working in Japan, we attended Bible studies and a small church with an eclectic group of individuals. In the group there were charismatics, Roman Catholics, Mennonites, etc. And yet, when we considered the number of Jesus followers in the city of probably 45,000 were probably less than 100, the differences in our beliefs paled in comparison to the commonality of our core religious beliefs. We had disagreements among the 12-15 of us, but as I look back I find we had more that united us than divided us. </p><p>In addition to Jesus’s prayer for unity, I think it is important to consider what the Apostle Paul said at the end of I Corinthians 13(vs. 13). There he said that in the end three things are left on the table: “faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” More important than our faith is love. More important than our hope is love. And so, when we consider disagreements with others seeking to follow Jesus, will we let our beliefs, our faith, and our hopes determine how we interact with others, or will we let love be a driving force? </p><p>Divisions over disagreements are easy. We have seen them demonstrated time and time again. Choosing love over perfection is more difficult. Consider this: One can still remain Christian and move from one denomination to a different one every day for well over a hundred years without running out of options. But, what would change in our homes, our churches, our communities, and our world if those of us who claim to follow Jesus focused on the things important to Jesus, and were less focused on having the perfect theology? After all, when this life is over and we stand before God, not one of us will have had perfect theology. All of us will have fallen short. And when we look back on our lives, do you think we will be more concerned about whether we had perfect theology, or whether we loved as best we could? My guess is true harmony will result more from the love we demonstrated towards others, and less from having checked all of the right theological boxes. </p><p><br /></p>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-23183808079645797162023-01-29T22:37:00.001-05:002023-01-29T22:37:59.442-05:00The Pledge of Allegiance and Me<p>As a youth I probably learned the Pledge of Allegiance before I could tie my shoes. Patriotism to the country of my birth was of high importance in my home, as well as at the church I grew up attending. It wasn’t uncommon to have special services on national (patriotic) holidays, where as much (if not more?) emphasis was placed on our nationality as on our faith. A few years back I came across an audio recording of me reciting a political poem, and my family singing “I’m just a flag waving American” as special music ……at church.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Patriotic fervor continued at the Christian high school I attended, and at the university where I earned my 4 year degree. For the most part, such fervor went unquestioned. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-to-late 20’s when I first started to ask myself if such devotion to a nation, whether it be blind devotion or even guarded devotion, was healthy for someone who desired to follow Jesus. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As I’ve written about before, in my late 20’s I spent a lot of time studying the gospels, and the teachings of Jesus. In these studies, I started to find that many of the beliefs I had been taught growing up were at odds with the teachings of Jesus. Jesus taught us to love our enemies. I was encouraged as I collected “Desert Storm” trading cards that flexed the United State’s muscles over our enemy. Jesus said that we were to seek first His kingdom. America first was a mantra I heard often. I read in the New Testament that members of God’s kingdom came from every race, nation and language. People in my circles mourned the fact that their sons and daughters married someone who wasn’t an American, and became passionate that anyone that came to their country should speak their language (even though the United States has never had an official language). American Exceptionalism was the norm, and any thoughts to the contrary were perceived as being un-American.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It was in my late 20’s I first became acquainted with teachings from an Anabaptist perspective. Anabaptist thought and teachings, commonly displayed among Amish, Mennonites, Brethren and others, hold to a two-kingdom theology. There are the kingdoms of this world, and there is the kingdom of God. The kingdoms of this world are not necessarily good or bad. They can be either. But the kingdoms of this world are not where our loyalties lie. As Jesus said, we are to “seek first the kingdom of God.” My loyalty is to belong to Jesus’ kingdom, which is not defined by borders, nationalities, race, language, or other descriptors that often define the kingdoms of this world. The kingdom of God is what is summed up in the New Testament term church. This term church doesn’t necessarily mean the local building or local 501-c-3 non-profit organization. It means the collective group of people who have devoted their loyalties to Jesus, his message, and his kingdom—regardless of their nation of origin, race, socio-economic status, language spoken, etc. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As a member of a kingdom with members from all nations, races, languages, etc., I belong to a kingdom that the Bible says is without end. All earthly kingdoms will end. To hold patriotic fervor for my nation, when my nation has done, and still does, unspeakable acts towards people of other nations—some of whom belong to the Kingdom of God, is unimaginable in my opinion. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As someone who no longer can pledge allegiance to the United States, this does not mean I am against the U.S.A. I simply believe that I am a sojourner in a land that is not my own. The children of Israel lived this out when they were taken into captivity. Many of those taken into captivity exchanged their allegiances for Israel and gave their allegiance to Babylon—hence why so few returned to Israel when allowed to. But while they were living in Babylon, against their will, God sent a message to them through the prophet Jeremiah. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is the text of the letter that the prophet Jeremiah sent from Jerusalem to the surviving elders among the exiles and to the priests, the prophets and all the other people Nebuchadnezzar had carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon. 2 (This was after King Jehoiachin and the queen mother, the court officials and the leaders of Judah and Jerusalem, the skilled workers and the artisans had gone into exile from Jerusalem.) 3 He entrusted the letter to Elasah son of Shaphan and to Gemariah son of Hilkiah, whom Zedekiah king of Judah sent to King Nebuchadnezzar in Babylon. It said: 4 This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” (Jeremiah 29:1-7)</div></div></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The United States isn’t the kingdom that I owe my allegiance to. But, since this is the land God has placed me in, I am free to build a house, settle down, plant a garden, marry, etc. I should even wish the nation well, and pray and work for the “peace and prosperity” where God has placed me. Why? “Because if it prospers, you too will prosper.”</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Allegiance to an earthly nation is different than loyalty in marriage. The Apostle Paul said to the church at Corinth that they were not to be “bound together with unbelievers.” As a follower of Jesus, when it came to finding a marriage partner I looked for someone who was also a follower of Jesus. Here is a larger chunk of what Paul said:</div></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” 17 Therefore, “Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.” (2 Corinthians 6:14-17)</div></div></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The United States of America, or any other nation, will never be a Christian nation. It will do what is in their best interest, and that is understandable from a human perspective. Individual Americans may seek to be godly, but a nation will never be. As a follower of Jesus, I am not to seek my own best interest, but I am to look for the best interest of others as well. The nations of this world rage, plot and scheme and in doing so they are in opposition to God (Psalm 2). So, while I can pledge my love to my wife, and not have that be in violation of my beliefs, I cannot pledge my allegiances to any nation without doing so. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For those that do not believe pledging one’s allegiance to a nation is problematic for followers of Jesus, do you equally accept a Christian pledging their allegiance to the U.S. as you would a Chinese Christian pledging their allegiance to the China or an Iranian Christian pledging their allegiance to Iran? If you believe one is acceptable, and another is not, how do you decide which allegiances are acceptable, and which are not?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As World War 2 was about to begin, one pastor felt the tension of a world on the verge of war. Martin had served in WW1, but after the war ended he became a pastor like his father before him. But, Martin felt compelled, based on Romans 13, to leave his pastorate to join his sons in fighting to defend his nation. Using his Christian faith, and the allegiance he believe he owed his nation, Martin Niemoller left his church to fight for Adolph Hitler and the Nazi army (Sprinkle, Preston. Fight: A Christian Case for Non-Violence. David C Cook, 2013).</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">While I realize other followers of Jesus will disagree with my stance on pledging my allegiance to the earthly nation I live in, ultimately I would rather have others disagree with me than to go against my conscience. Ultimately, I will have to answer to God, and not my fellow Christians.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">At the end of the day, the words of Switchfoot say it best: “I pledge allegiance to a country without borders, without politicians.” (Switchfoot. “Politicians.” Nothing is Sound. Columbia. 2005.)</div><div><br /></div></div><p><br /></p>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-59796210928710742972022-07-21T07:38:00.001-04:002022-07-21T07:38:04.872-04:00Is It Time For A New National Anthem? <div>(Originally written in 2020)</div><div><br></div><div>I was watching “Uncomfortable Conversations With A Black Man”, by Emmanuel Acho, recently and came across a quote. In the episode, Acho said “history is meant to be remembered but history isn’t always meant to be celebrated.”<br></div><div><br></div><div>What does it mean to remember history vs. celebrating it? </div><div><br></div><div>Following the fall of Apartheid in South Africa, and following the end of World War 2 in Germany, there were commissions set up that had the goal of helping the countries move forward, while dealing with their pasts. These truth and reconciliation commissions were painful, but they also served as key components of learning from the past, seeking to reconcile wrongs committed, and moving forward. </div><div><br></div><div>It may have been easier for all parties involved to tear down Auschwitz. For those that lost family members there, the sight would be a painful one. At least 1.3 Million people were imprisoned in the concentration camp, and at least 1.1 million of them were killed. For the Germans, it could be a painful reminder of the sins of their ancestors. But in spite of all the reasons why people would want the camp of terror and death removed, it has been preserved, lest we forget. But do you know what you won’t find in Germany? You will not find any statues of Nazi officials or their leader. </div><div><br></div><div>There have been a lot of discussions about statues and other traces from the past in our country. One notable discussion over the past decade or so has regarded The Star Spangled Banner as our national anthem. Should we keep it? Should we get rid of it? And, no matter which side you fall on, why? Before we answer those questions, let’s look at some of the events that have brought us to this point.</div><div><br></div><div>Our nation has a pretty murky past. Just to clear things up before we move forward, I don’t expect all people from all points in history to be as “woke” as we may be today. As anyone who has studied history can tell you, there are examples of good people who have done bad things, there are bad people who have done good things, and so forth. </div><div><br></div><div>By the time of our Founding Fathers, there was already discussions regarding slavery and the role it should play in the new nation. Some of the men favored slavery, while other’s thought it shouldn’t be allowed, or at least there should be a plan to phase out slavery early into the new nation’s history. </div><div><br></div><div>On paper it is noble and laudable that the Declaration of Independence says, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” All men are created equal. This would be great, if they actually believed it. Unfortunately, what they meant by all men here is all white men. I’m not saying this myself, but rather some of the signers said it themselves. Six of the same men who signed the Declaration of Independence also worked on the Constitution more than a decade later. Article 1, Section 2, Clause 3 of the United States Constitution said that for taxation and representation purposes, blacks were to be counted as 3/5 a person. So, as the United States begins as a new nation, slavery will continue and the plight of the blacks doesn’t improve.</div><div><br></div><div>As the young nation is moving forward, the idea of slavery keeps coming up. Every time a new state seeks to be admitted, it causes problems. Will slavery be allowed in the new state or no, and what will a decision either way do to the balance of power between pro-slavery states and anti-slavery states?</div><div><br></div><div>The first part of remembering vs. celebrating our past that I want to dive a little deeper into is our current national anthem.</div><div><br></div><div>After a short period of time as an independent nation, the United States is back at war with Great Britain, in the poorly named War of 1812. Poorly named, because the next thing I want to talk about happens in the war in 1814. </div><div><br></div><div>In September 1814, a lawyer by the name of Francis Scott Key was onboard a British ship, if my memory serves me correctly, trying to negotiate the release of a friend of his. While on the ship, he witnessed the battle of Fort McHenry, which inspired him to write a poem called The Defense of Fort M’Henry. </div><div><br></div><div>Let’s explore a little of the background of the war before we look at the poem. </div><div><br></div><div>The British weren’t ready to fight the United States again when the war stated, and it put the Brits on their heels. Over time though they were able to bring more soldiers to the States, and added allies along the way. Britain, which had abolished slavery a few years before the war, thanks to a lifelong mission of abolitionist William Wilberforce, and to add able-bodied men to their fight, they offered freedom to slaves or money to impoverished individuals who would join their fight. This may seem like treason to us that people would go fight for the enemy. However, when you consider that the enslaved men were only counted as 3/5 human, and had no real rights, the promise of freedom would be appealing. To these men, the Union Jack likely would have been to them what the Statue of Liberty would become to others a century later. Some of the “huddled masses yearning to breathe free”, took their chances and joined forces with the British and fought, maybe not as much against their former captors, but for their freedom. </div><div><br></div><div>One more aspect we need to consider, before looking at why I, as well as others, view the Star Spangled Banner as racist, is the background and life of Francis Scott Key. Key’s family was heavily invested in owning slaves. At the age of 21, Key purchased his first slave. Later in life he served as the district attorney in Washington D.C.. While D.A., he repeatedly used his position to defend slavery and attack abolitionists. Once, when a slave went after his mistress with an axe, Key used his position to go after a man who was known for spreading abolitionist material and put him on trial. A mob tried to hang Rueben Crandall but they were unsuccessful. After he was eventually acquitted, Key lamented his loss in the trial, and the trial sounded the death knell of his political career.</div><div><br></div><div>So, why do I share all of this? It gives background to Key’s famous poem.</div><div><br></div><div>The first verse is what most people think of when they think of the National Anthem. </div><div><br></div><div>Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,</div><div>What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?</div><div>Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thru the perilous fight,</div><div>O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?</div><div>And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,</div><div>Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.</div><div>O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave</div><div>O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?</div><div><br></div><div>However, that is one of four stanzas to the poem/song. The third stanza is what many consider racist.</div><div><br></div><div>And where is that band who so vauntingly swore</div><div>That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion</div><div>A home and a country should leave us no more?</div><div>Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.</div><div>No refuge could save the hireling and slave</div><div>From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave:</div><div>And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave</div><div>O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.</div><div><br></div><div>Without knowing some background, this stanza seems like the poem takes an odd turn to talk about the hireling and slave. However, if you consider that hundreds if not thousands of black slaves had decided to take the British up on their offer, and many of them were fighting against their own slave owners, it starts to paint a clearer picture. Key voices his disdain to the hireling and slave who had joined the other side. “Their blood has washed out their foul footstep’s pollution”, paints a picture of what Key seems to think is the deserving fate of the slaves who opted for freedom by fleeing to the British side—namely their blood should be shed. He goes on to say that nothing can save them from the “terror of flight or the gloom of the grave.” If Key, and other men like him, cannot benefit from the labor of the slaves, than the grave is possibly the next best solution. So, when Key repeats the refrain “O’er the land of the free and the home of brave”, Key obviously didn’t mean what we interpret this phrase to be as white Americans in 2020. </div><div><br></div><div>Some may contend that we shouldn’t hold with such scrutiny the lyrics of the National Anthem, since it was penned 206 years ago. If it had become the Nation’s song at that point then maybe that would make this conversation take a slightly different turn. However, The Star Spangled Banner didn’t become the National Anthem until 1931. </div><div><br></div><div>The Star Spangled Banner had been used on occasion before 1931, as had Hail, Columbia and My Country ‘Tis of Thee. </div><div><br></div><div>In 1915 President Woodrow Wilson held a screening of the film Birth of a Nation, formerly known as The Clansman” at the White House. Wilson hailed the movie, which portrayed the Ku Klux Klan as heroic individuals helping to preserve the American society of values and pushed an agenda of white supremacy. In 1916, Wilson backed the use of Key’s poem as the official song for the country. I do not have proof of whether Wilson’s move has any causation or collation between his known racist views, but any study of Wilson will show that he held many racist views. </div><div><br></div><div>In 1931, Congress officially made the song the National Anthem. </div><div><br></div><div>As noted earlier, over the 150 or so years before 1931, The U.S. had used multiple songs for official use. So, the idea of changing the National Anthem isn’t outside the realm of possibility. If our country truly seeks to live out it’s official motto E Pluribus Unum--out of many, one—then we need to consider the voices of the many, and not just voices that sound a lot like our own. Do we truly wish to be “one nation”, as the Pledge of Allegiance proclaims, then compromises will have to take place. If we wish to be one country, made up of many nations, we can proceed as we have—as long as we maintain the majority.</div><div><br></div><div>We can remember history, and I would contend we must remember history. But should we celebrate history? In some cases yes, and in other cases no. As for me, I do not view The Star Spangled Banner as something that should be celebrated. However, living in the country we do, I realize others will disagree with me.</div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-81150913833363887042022-07-19T22:00:00.001-04:002022-07-19T22:00:56.894-04:00I'll take 32 year old lyrics for 500, Alex.<div>The wind is moving</div><div>But I am standing still</div><div>A life of pages</div><div>Waiting to be filled</div><div>A heart that's hopeful</div><div>A head that's full of dreams</div><div>But this becoming</div><div>Is harder than it seems</div><div><br></div><div>Feels like. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm looking for a reason</div><div>Roaming through the night to find</div><div>My place in this world</div><div>My place in this world</div><div>Not a lot to lean on</div><div>I need your light to help me find</div><div>My place in this world</div><div>My place in this world</div><div><br></div><div>If there are millions</div><div>Down on their knees</div><div>Among the many</div><div>Can you still hear me?</div><div>Hear me asking</div><div>Where do I belong?</div><div>Is there a vision</div><div>That I can call my own?</div><div><br></div><div>Show me...</div><div><br></div><div>I'm looking for a reason</div><div>Roaming through the night to find</div><div>My place in this world</div><div>My place in this world</div><div>Not a lot to lean on</div><div>I need your light to help me find</div><div>My place in this world</div><div>My place in this world</div><div><br></div><div>~Michael W. Smith</div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-21356547204320257742022-07-16T15:38:00.004-04:002022-07-16T15:38:55.757-04:00Abuse In The Church--A Challenge (Part 2)<p>PART 2 (Part 1 can be found here: https://rvl.blogspot.com/2022/07/abuse-in-church-memoir.html)</p><p>In 1996 I graduated high school. Around that time the Internet exploded and no longer was it necessary to stealthily go to a gas station to buy pornography, much less try to find a way to keep it hidden. Now, with just a few strokes on the keyboard, a plethora of pornographic material was accessible in the privacy of my home or apartment. I simultaneously still found it exhilarating and hated myself for returning to it time and time again. </p><p>Over the next decade there were periods of avoiding pornography, and relapses. On one occasion, in my early 20’s, I swallowed my pride, approached a friend and admitted I was struggling with porn. He didn’t help, but he did tell a few others what I’d told him. This alienated me more, and caused me to internalize my struggle more. My philosophy for several years after my failed attempt to get help was to not trust anyone. This was my problem, and I was on my own to figure it out.</p><p>A number of years later, and in a new state, I finally met a couple men who I trusted to open up to about what was going on in my life—the good, the bad and the ugly. These guys would meet up with me for coffee on a regular basis and we would talk about anything or everything. They were ok with moving beyond the superficial issues that were normally discussed by Christians. They would listen. They would ask tough questions. They weren’t scared by my failures. They walked along side me helping me realize that I didn’t have to carry the burden on my own. It was the first time the secrecy of the sin was peeled back, allowing me to realize that change was possible. When failures occurred, I was encouraged to repent, accept the grace of God and move forward. Crawling turned into baby steps. And over time, baby steps turned into walking. Stumbling still took place, but I had been given the freedom to believe I could walk and encouraged to get up when I did fall. </p><p>It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s, maybe even 40’s, until I looked back at what happened at my childhood church and saw it for what it was. It was abuse. It was an adult abusing the power he had to corrupt a minor. Where I had always thought of it as a foolish act on the part of someone who was older, I now learned it was a federal crime—distribution of obscenity to a minor. He demonstrated patterns of grooming. He would encourage us to break the rules, starting off in minor ways (music, cards, gambling) and make me promise not to tell. After I demonstrated I would go along, he upped the ante with pornography, again, demanding secrecy. As I went along, more and more porn was introduced and more and more secrecy was demanded. What would have happened if our paths hadn’t gone different directions? Was I the only one being groomed?</p><p>While I believe background checks, mandatory reporting of any impropriety to law enforcement (not only church leaders,) and safeguards being put in place are non-negotiable, I readily acknowledge that the 19 year old leader probably would have passed a background check. However, if safeguards had been in place, such as an adult not spending time one-on-one with a minor under their authority, things may have turned out differently.</p><p>My parents’ generation, and churches at the time, didn’t talk about sex, sexuality, abuse, and pornography openly. After all, I still hear from their generation, where some have the mindset that they don’t want to speak things into being. In other words, if we talk about sex then the kids will think about it and start doing it. The reality is, kids were doing it even when their parents or church were not talking about it. Looking back, I don’t blame my parents, but I do wish they would have been proactive in talking to me about sex. </p><p>A couple years ago I first disclosed portions of what I wrote about in my previous post to leaders of the church I grew up in. I was told not to speak negatively about a church that has done so much to help people. I was told, indirectly, that speaking in such a way could hinder people from hearing the gospel, or ruin the church’s testimony. I strongly disagree. Allowing the sins of the past, or present, to remain in the shadows ruins the church’s testimony. Exposing our sins, asking for forgiveness, and clearly demonstrating that the church must change to become a safe place is a way to improve the relationship of the church in the community. Doing this would demonstrate we, as the church, care about more than just protecting our reputation.</p><p>While we are discussing uncomfortable topics, let’s look at a few statistics surrounding sex, and sexual exposure and youth in the United States. </p><p>Silence has been tried, in the home and in the church and, as I believe statistics demonstrate, it has failed. Research has found that states where residents demonstrate high levels of strong religious beliefs, such states also have high levels of teen birth rates (Peck, 2009). And that only accounts for teen birth rates. While, as the same study showed, there does seem to be a lower rate of abortion in the states with strong religious beliefs (Peck), where cases of pregnancy exist, sexual activity is evident.</p><p>In the U.S., the average age for first sexual intercourse is 16.8 years for boys and 17.2 years for girls (Adolescent Sexuality in the United States, 2020). And that’s sexual intercourse, so does not include other sexual encounters and sexual activities. </p><p>A report published in 2017 found that the average age of first pornography exposure to be around 13 years old, and that the earlier a boy was introduced to pornography shaped their view of sexuality—especially when it comes to seeking power over women through sex, or engaging in a “playboy” lifestyle (“Age of First Exposure to Pornography Shapes Men’s Attitudes toward Women,” 2017). This study was published five years ago. Consider that those being interviewed for the study were from their late teens all the way up to their 50’s, the average age is likely lower as more and more children have unfiltered access to internet connected devices. Other research places average age of first exposure at between age 11 and 12 but shares the concerns about the way pornography shapes how people approach sexuality. (What to Know about Adolescent Pornography Exposure | Psychology Today, n.d). Another study, published in 2020, concluded that the earlier a child is exposed to sexual explicit material, the more likely they are to engage in riskier sexual practices as they approach adulthood (Lin et al., 2020). </p><p>Sexual content is rampant in our culture. It is more easily accessible today than in the past, even the not-so-distant-past. If we want today’s youth to have a sanctified view of sex and sexuality, we cannot wait or remain silent. If we are silent, or if we kick the can down the road, the view of sex that will likely be their teacher will be a pornified view, and not a healthy view.</p><p>If parents, or churches or Christian schools won’t talk about sex, sexuality, pornography, abuse and other related issues, this does not mean their children will not learn about these issues. Even growing up in a conservative evangelical/fundamentalist—and protected--environment, I was exposed to sexually explicit materials. Parents, schools, and others can be proactive in using technology to reduce accessibility to harmful content. But no web-filter or porn-blocker can keep a child from seeing a magazine someone may bring into his or her presence. Aside from my youth group experience, I remember that when I was a junior at a conservative Baptist high, a senior show one of his classmates that he had a porn magazine in his Bible case in his locker.</p><p>Let’s imagine that a child is kept from seeing sexually explicit material before they reach adulthood, and before they meet and marry their spouse. We need to understand, they are likely to be in the minority. And, if the one they meet, date, marry was exposed to pornography, even the protected individual will have their sex life impacted by their partners pornified view of sex. </p><p>Going back to the purity culture slogans from the 90’s, simply asking/knowing if someone is a virgin, does not mean someone is sexually pure. And in other cases, someone may be sexually pure and not be a virgin—i.e. a victim of sexual assault, or a married person who is chaste. I like the term my wife uses when speaking on sexuality at the non-profit she is associated with. She talks about sexual integrity. A rape victim may not be a virgin, but they can maintain their sexual integrity. A married person won’t be a virgin, but can maintain sexual integrity. On the flip side, someone who is a virgin, but binges on porn, lacks sexual integrity.</p><p>Part of my desire as a parent is to teach my sons healthy sexuality. In addition to helping them know the signs, and hopefully avoid the pitfalls of unhealthy sexuality, teaching them about healthy sexuality can help to protect them from abuse. </p><p>My wife and I started at a very young age talking to our boys about human bodies, especially their bodies. We teach them the correct names of body parts. We have been approached by a few people who, when they discovered our approach, say we are giving our sons too much power. We disagree. When the boys know their body parts, if someone touches them in an inappropriate way, they have the language to talk to us about it. </p><p>We’ve discussed pornography. One way we discuss pornography with the boys is by using the book Good Pictures, Bad Pictures (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21538451-good-pictures-bad-pictures). Our desire is to foster an environment that if and when our boys come across pornography, or other questionable material, as awkward as it may be, they will feel safe in coming to talk to us. </p><p>We do not sit down and have one 100 minute conversation about the birds and the bees and all things related to sex with our sons. We’ve had 50 five minute conversations over a span of years, and in the years to come plan to have 50 more. We have told our boys they can talk to us at any time about anything related to sex, sexuality, abuse, pornography, and so forth, and we are open to conversations, or we are willing to just listen. We told them we may not approve or like all they have to say along the way, but we are here to help them along their journey. </p><p>I know that my view of sex was tainted from the start. Pornography warps sex. Instead of desiring what is best for one’s partner, and mutual pleasure, pornography places the focus on my pleasure, my desires, and my fulfillment. If others are harmed in the process, the pornographic mindset says my desires trump the wants, needs, and safety of others. On the flip side, if I love my spouse the way I love myself, I will seek their satisfaction and safety over my own selfish desires. I will serve them, I will love them, and I will not claim a right to something that cannot be taken, but must be freely given.</p><p>When it comes to sex and sexual integrity I want better for my sons. I want my boys to learn about healthy sexuality, and to go into a sexualized world with their eyes and hearts determined to live lives of integrity. I don’t want them to learn about sex and sexuality from those who do not have their best interest in mind. And therefore I do talk about sex with my sons, I will continue to talk about sex with my sons, and I hope to save them, and their future partners, some of the heartbreak that I and my wife and countless other couples have faced.</p><p>I have decided to speak up about the grooming and introduction to pornography I was subjected to (see part 1) because I believe things can change and must change. I have decided to speak up about why and how I think things need to change. To allow the status quo to remain is to allow more unhealthy sexuality to flourish. The stakes are too high. When it comes to my past, I cannot change things. But when it comes to the future, I want to take the lessons I’ve learned, the failures I’ve encountered, and the hopes I have and channel them to bring about change that says the buck stops with me and my generation. I do not have to settle for a marriage marred by the sins of my past. I can work to make the next 15 or 50 years of marriage better than the first 15 years of marriage. I do not have to throw up my hands and give up in defeat that my sons can have healthier view of sex than I had entering marriage. So, as uncomfortable as it may be, I’ve decided to speak up.</p><p>This is also why I’ve decided that the hush-hush and secrecy surrounding pornography must also come to an end. Pornography is common in our society, as well as in the church. It shouldn’t be common in either if we truly care about the women or men around us. But, as long as it is allowed to remain in the shadows, or even encouraged to do so, the problem will persist, grow and flourish. So, I choose to speak up and say lust and the pornographic approach to sex are a struggle that I have had, and likely will have until the day I die! But, that doesn’t let me off the hook regarding my complicity to this sin. I must remain open and honest with my wife about my history with pornography, and the damage I know it has played on my thoughts. My innocence was taken when pornography was introduced to me. However, I compromised my sexual integrity when I continued to access it. It isn’t enough for the church to just acknowledge that sexual sins are a temptation that men and women have. The church needs to come alongside those who open up about their struggles and give them the tools necessary to overcome.</p><p>My desire is to see both men and women, young and old, long for sexual integrity. I want to see all of us who have sinned speak up and say “I’ve screwed up.” I want my parent’s generation to acknowledge that they screwed up. I want the church to acknowledge where they screwed up. And then I want all of us to do better. I want the church to work to remove the silence around pornography use, not so that its use will increase, but so that those caught in its webs will see it for what it is—a trap—and then for the church to point the way to freedom.</p><p><br /></p><p>Adolescent sexuality in the United States. (2020, June 9). Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_sexuality_in_the_United_States</p><p>Age of First Exposure to Pornography Shapes Men’s Attitudes Toward Women. (2017, August 3). Https://Www.apa.org. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/08/pornography-exposure</p><p>Lin, W.-H., Liu, C.-H., & Yi, C.-C. (2020). Exposure to sexually explicit media in early adolescence is related to risky sexual behavior in emerging adulthood. PLOS ONE, 15(4), e0230242. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0230242</p><p>PECK, P. (2009, September 17). Religious Belief No Barrier to Teen Pregnancy. ABC News; ABC News. https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/study-finds-teen-pregnancy-common-religious-states/story?id=8602283</p><p>What to Know About Adolescent Pornography Exposure | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Www.psychologytoday.com. Retrieved July 15, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-addiction/202202/what-know-about-adolescent-pornography-exposure?fbclid=IwAR0u9LLEron14tJ9K1MAP-JeLkXLt27rgsRdt1HtoCnfeh8Lx1j2NOimCfE</p>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-22956477798045331412022-07-09T09:58:00.002-04:002022-07-09T09:58:37.085-04:00Abuse In The Church--A Memoir<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In the spring of 1978 my parents welcomed an unusual addition to their lives: a son. I was born on Memorial Day, and joined the five daughters my parents had in the first eight years of their marriage. We lived in a small house, in a average sized town in Western New York. </div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As I was approaching school age, my parents decided to try something different when it came to education. They pulled my school age sisters out of the Christian school they were attending and began to homeschool. While homeschooling is commonplace today, in 1982 it was almost unheard of.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As the youngest child, and only son, things were a little different for me. Most of my sisters loved to read, and while I didn’t mind reading, I have always been a slow enough reader that I never had a passion for reading. From a young age many of my interests revolved around sports. My family wasn’t a big sports family, but I was and in the process sports became a point of connection in the home.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">While I have always enjoyed listening to sports on the radio, my parents got rid of their TV before I was old enough to remember, I especially liked to play sports in the neighborhood. We lived on a small village lot, and so the neighborhood boys were limited in what we could play. Touch football, street hockey, and baseball were the regular go to sports. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The boys in the neighborhood were from varied backgrounds. Some came from single-parent homes, some were only children, a family a few doors down were Catholic, most were not religious at all. My parents were suspicious of all of them, for one reason or another, and as a result if I wanted to play with them, it had to be in our yard and on my parents terms. As we all grew up, by age 10 or so we had outgrown playing in our small back yard and for the most part my interactions with the neighborhood crew ended.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Around the same time, my parents grew wary of the man who was teaching the Sunday School class I was about to enter. He had told a previous class that reading horoscopes in the newspaper were harmless because it was made up garbage. My parents took the occult seriously, based on the books, audio sermons, and other information that could be found in our home, and so someone saying anything other than complete condemnation of things like horoscopes was enough to pull their children out of this Sunday School class. For the next couple years my parents, my youngest sister and myself would sit in our vehicle during the Sunday School hour and my mom would read a Christian book, devotional, or some other inspirational source to us as our own Sunday School class. As a result, I had little to no interactions with children my age, apart from my five sisters at home who ranged from two years older than me to nine years older than me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Not much changed until the fall of 1992. Following the pattern my parents had set with my sisters, when we finished junior high, my parents sent us to a different Christian school for high school. As a 14 year old I could interact and relate with adults much more than my peers. I was socially awkward. But, I had a class of 15 or so peers to interact with. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The transition from homeschool to going to school, albeit a small private school, was also difficult for me at first. I was short and fat for a 14 year old. Entering high school I was five foot tall, and tipped the scale at about 180 pounds. As I grew taller, my mom didn’t want to spend money on new pants each time I outgrew a pair, so she bought longer pants and put a few stitches in the legs so she could make them longer when needed. I lost track of how many times I accidentally ripped the stitches, and had to walk around with one pant leg eight inches longer than the other until I got home.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I saved up money my freshman year and was set to go to a Christian camp for teen week. It would be a time for me to spend more time with my peers in a Christian environment. But on the Friday before I was to go to camp, I had an accident on my bicycle, breaking my nose, cracking my cheekbone, and having enough road rash to make people feel uncomfortable looking at me. As a result of the injuries, I had to spend most of the summer at home, no sports, and little to no sunlight—at least until the scabs were gone. So I was back to being alone, at home.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My sophomore year was an extension of my freshman year. I was still socially a misfit, but I was starting to learn some social norms, and starting to gain some friends. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Another change that happened during my sophomore year was one of my sisters began working as a secretary at our church, and started working alongside the youth pastor with the youth group programs. Before this point, I had not been allowed to go to youth group, or AWANA as a child, because my parents said there was usually not enough supervision, and too much time spent on fun and games. But with my sister helping out, my mom agreed that if she would pick me up and take me I could go to youth group. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As the school year came to a close, one of the helpers, who was 19 at the time to my 15-16, began to show interest in me. As my sister was wrapping things up after youth group, he and I would often shoot hoops in the church gym. For the first time in my life there was someone who showed interest in me to this extent. He’d call just to talk. Once summer vacation started he would drive from his town to sit on the front steps of our house to talk. We’d play catch in the back yard, walk to the nearby park to play hoops or tennis. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">At the park, we would listen to pop or rock music; neither which were allowed in my home. He said it was fine and my parents wouldn’t find out. I still remember it was the summer when All-For-One’s song “I Swear” was atop the charts. In addition to listening to the forbidden music with him, I would find myself using my Walkman at home to listen to more and more unapproved music at home. It was a rebellious, but it was enjoyable.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">One day he asked if I wanted to learn to play poker. Granted, poker and playing cards were the devil’s game, and so strictly forbidden in our home and church. He said it would be our little secret. Over the weeks that followed, I learned how to play several different card games, wagering pennies or dimes. It was fun doing something forbidden, and having it a secret. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">One day as we were driving around town, likely going to or coming from the park, he told me to reach under the passenger seat. I felt something and pulled out a magazine. It was a Playboy. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Sex was never mentioned in my home growing up. Sex was never mentioned in my church growing up. Sex was never mentioned in my Christian school growing up. The closest thing to anything related to sex I’d ever been told, indirectly mind you, was when I was 13 my one sister got a free subscription to a sports magazine, a poor mans Sports Illustrated if you will. When the annual swimsuit issue came in the mail, my mom cut out little hearts from construction paper and glued them over the women’s bodies. Why my mom didn’t just throw away the magazine I don’t know, but the message she sent was there is something wrong about this. Nothing else, and I mean nothing, was ever said about sex, sexuality, nudity, pornography, and so forth. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So, as I turned the pages of the magazine, it was exhilarating for me as a post-pubescent teen. Once again, the youth group helper said this was our little secret. He said he would get in a lot of trouble if anyone found out, so I had to promise not to say anything. And I didn’t. After all, who would I say something to? No one in my life had ever opened a door to feel safe talking to them about anything of this sort. And why would I say anything? I liked what he was showing me. I was a minor, and couldn’t even purchase it if I wanted to. He was an adult, and was my supplier. As the summer went on, it went from soft-core pornography to hard-core magazines. Each time I had to promise not to tell anyone. And I didn’t. He would ask me what I liked about the pictures. How it felt to see them. What I thought it would feel like to do what I was seeing.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As the summer ended, this youth leader began to date a girl in the youth group, a girl younger than me. That fall I played soccer, and got busy with school, and our time hanging out came to an end. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">While we didn’t hang out anymore, he had opened a door that I would continue to go through for years to come. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">To Be Continued...</div></div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-78643426096005755452022-07-06T21:32:00.000-04:002022-07-06T21:32:05.974-04:00Going Deeper With Deep Cuts<p>For as long as I can recall, music has been a part of my story. No, I never learned to play an instrument, and for the most part I can't sing all that well. But as a young boy, I was drawn to music. I remember listening to records of Steve Green, cassette tapes of The Cathedrals, listening to the local Christian and oldies stations in Buffalo, day in and day out. As my teenage years came into view, my taste in music expanded to include pop, rock, CCM, grunge (I turned 13 in 1991 the year grunge exploded). </p><p>For the first 30 years or so of my life, I was drawn to the hits. While amassing over a thousand albums in my collection, a number of the albums were compilations of the greatest hits of an artist or from a genre. The songs were familiar. Maybe I even spun some of them while DJ'ing at the student radio station in college, or added them to the carefully crafted mix-tapes I made for my friends in high school. There were often memories associated with the songs. Sometime songs brought back memories of a road trip with friends from college. Other songs I remember hearing live in concert. Other songs were tagged with nostalgia of an era of my life. Many of the songs I knew the lyrics by heart. Some I still do.</p><p>As the decades passed, I slowed down on acquiring new music. This was a practical move on my part after marrying and starting a family. With less new music in my collection, I found myself going back to many of the albums that had produced the hits. But as I spent more time on the albums, I found myself drawn to the hits less, and zeroing in on the deep cuts. </p><p>I can be a little compulsive at times. Sometimes I hone in on a topic and will read all I can get my hands on that subject. Then, after months or in some cases years, I move on to another topic. I can be that way with artist or albums as well. A few years into my marriage my wife asked if I could please listen to something other than U2 for a bit. After all, I had been listening to their discography exclusively for around 9 months at that point, in addition to reading a half dozen or so books about or by the band. </p><p>For the past couple weeks I've honed in on an album that came out the year I started my junior year of high school--1994. This album produced one of the top Christian music hits of the 90's. The song "Shine" by the Newsboys was on their album Going Public. I'm not sure why I returned to this album recently, but I've been drawn to two of the songs especially. The songs are the last two on the album: When You Called My Name and Ella G.</p><p>In 2018 I stepped down from pastoring a small Mennonite church. When I was asked to pastor the church I had 3 young sons, and was working about 40 hours a week at my other job. While responsibilities at the church did take time, it wasn't burdensome. Six years later, I had five sons, and I was working 50-60 hours a week in addition to my responsibilities at church. I was burned out. The small business I started while pastoring had failed, leading to emotional and financial stresses. My depression was back, a topic I will talk about more later. I reached a breaking point when someone who didn't know what all my wife and I were going through said some hurtful things, crushing my spirit and leading me to turn my short sabbatical into a resignation. Several years later, I am still trying to heal from the emotional and spiritual impact that period had on me.</p><p>Knowing the emotional, physical and spiritual weight of being a pastor makes the lyrics of <i>When You Called My Name</i> hit home for me now in a way that I couldn't even imagine when I was a teenager listening to the cassette on my walkman on the school bus. </p><p><br />The song starts off with the pastor wondering if they are having any impact on their church. </p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I want to preach the Word<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">They want massages<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I check chapter and verse<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">They check their watches<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I spy another yawn<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I might as well be gone</span><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Let's stand and say "Amen"</span> </div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>The pastor goes on to lay out the emotional, physical and spiritual grind that ministry can take on someone.</div><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Some days I must admit</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I still don't get this</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Could be it's time to quit</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">When days get like this</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I slip into the night</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Then stumble towards the light</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Wake up and try again</span></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>The second verse is more of the same. <br /><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Could be I'm losing touch<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Could be they don't care<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Lord knows I don't know much<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Lord knows I've been there<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I trip toward my retreat<br /></span><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I fall down at Your feet</span><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Get up and try again</span></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>A 2021 report by Barna Research found that 65 percent of American pastors are considered to be unhealthy when several areas of well being are looked at (Barna: </div><div>https://www.barna.com/research/pastors-well-being/). In this regard, the protagonist in the song was ahead of their time. Especially when it comes to the questioning if they should leave ministry. The same Barna study found that 38 percent of pastors seriously considered leaving full time ministry in the year leading up to the study, a number that jumps to 46 percent when pastors under the age of 45. </div><div><br /></div><div>The chorus of the song turns from introspection to crying out to God, asking in essence why me.</div><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">When You called my name</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I didn't know how far the calling went</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">When You called my name</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I didn't know what that word really meant</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">When I recall Your call</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I feel</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">So small</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Lord, what did you see</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">When you called out for me?</span></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>As someone who has dealt with depression of varying levels for the past 30 years, this melancholic line of questioning resonates with me. When I know my weaknesses, and I know my failures, why would God choose me? </div><div><br /></div><div>The song ends with the realization that the one thing keeping them from wallowing in despair was the support of a faithful few.</div><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I start losing heart</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">And then</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">It comes again</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Lifted from despair</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">By the prayers of someone</span></div></blockquote><div><br style="background-color: #ddddee; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;" /></div><div>Early on in my time as pastor I met with an older church member who was living in an assisted living facility. Mark told me that he prayed for my family every day, and somedays even twice. Along with Mark, several other individuals prayed for me and my family daily. Most of those who told me they prayed for us on a regular basis have now passed away. Most of them were retired, and as they began to slow down in their physical activity, they shifted their focus to lifting up those around them in another way--through prayer. As economic factors are forcing individuals to work more hours and work into the years the previous generation had long entered retirement, I wonder if there is a connection between pastor burnout and the time spent by others praying for them? </div><div><br /></div><div>The second deep cut that keeps looping on my phone, and in my head, is the song <i>Ella G</i>. The song's title is a play on the word elegy. Dictionary.com defines elegy as "a mournful, melancholy, or plaintive poem, especially a funeral song or a lament for the dead." </div><div><br /></div><div>The song is told from the perspective of a parent whose daughter committed suicide. Throughout the song the grieving parent is trying to piece together why their child felt the despair that led them to take their own life. While not perfectly laid out, the lyrics work through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.</div><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Thumbs out on a desert road I am told</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Leads to nowhere</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Any shade is as good as the next</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">If your shadow doesn't go there</span></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>Numb is the word that comes to mind as I hear the haunting music and these lyrics. The shadow of the death is following them wherever they go. </div><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Week seven: Did you really asume</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I'd find some solace from the letter in your room?</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Next life, could you kindly refain</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">From throwing yourself at the mercy of a train?</span></div></blockquote><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;"><br /></span></div><div><div>And later...</div><div><br /></div></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Week nine: I am writing in the sand</span></div></div><div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Any little clue that could help me understand</span></div></div><div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Every whispered secret, every muffled sigh</span></div></div><div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Every half-truth that was added to a lie</span></div></div></blockquote><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;"><br /></span></div><div>Amid the desire to try and piece together what they could have done to not have the tragedy take place, the song delves into deep waters on the topic of depression, suicide, hope, and forgiveness.</div><div><br /></div><div>One of my favorite Newsboys lyrics is the at the beginning of the second verse.</div><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Maybe this world is a barren place for a soul</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Prone to get lost</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">But heaven still hounds from the smallest sounds</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">To the cries of the storm-tosed</span></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>Throughout my life I've heard Christians talk about going for treatment for physical ailments. Very few encourage people with cancer to just read the Bible, pray more, and so forth to fix what is wrong with them. But, far too often mental health issues are chalked up to being a sin issue, and nothing more. I remember a young lady standing up in church and asking for prayer because she was dealing with depression. A man stood up after her and told her to pray more, read her Bible, and get rid of sin in her life and the issue would go away. As someone who also deals with depression, I built up higher walls after his outburst, knowing that wasn't a safe place to share.</div><div><br /></div><div>The song quickly moves from anger to bargaining.</div><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Silence all, nobody breathe</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">How in the world could you just leave?</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">You promised you would</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Silence that evil with good</span></div></blockquote><div style="text-align: left;"><br style="background-color: #ddddee; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;" /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Hear me out, I have the floor</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I'll give you my tears, I'll listen more</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">You promised you would</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Overcome evil with good</span></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>As the song moves on, we start to see questions about depression, and suicide and spiritual issues come to the forefront. <br /><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">A Child of the Kingdom; still an invalid</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Forgive her, please Father</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">She don't know what she did</span></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>Is suicide an unforgivable sin? Does the status of one's mental health change our thoughts on this subject? Do we as followers of Jesus play a role in such a person's death, if we deny them the help that they may need? I like how this young lady is described. "A child of the Kingdom; still an invalid." Aren't we all broken in one way or another? Does our brokenness make us any less a child of the Kingdom? </div><div><br /></div><div>Then we have to think about what Jesus did on the cross. If the gift of forgiveness and salvation are dependent on what we do, or don't do, how does this change our view of what salvation is?</div><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Silence all, now go to sleep</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">The water's free, the well is deep</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">How can we return</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">That which we never could earn?</span></div></blockquote><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;"><br /></span></div><div>There are many questions that this side of eternity I'm not sure we will ever find answers to. So, eventually we need to trust God to do what is right and leave it up to Him.</div><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">God, I long to see her face</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">We haven't a hope</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Beyond Your grace</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">I know that You will</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">Overcome evil</span></div><div><span style="background-color: #ddddee; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">For good</span></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>And there we have it. "We haven't a hope beyond (God's) grace. <br /><br />These two songs aren't your typical 90's Christian songs. They delve into topics that are uncomfortable. They ask questions that aren't easy to answer, if we can answer them at all. And that's probably why they weren't the hits. As a 16 year old, I skipped these songs because they weren't peppy and fun. As a 44 year old, they mean a lot more to me than their more popular tracks on the album. Nowadays, I find myself skipping the hits to find the gems buried deeper. And one of the lessons I'm learning to accept more and more is it's ok to have Jesus and a therapist and good music that makes me think.</div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-60938894624585305312020-05-31T11:57:00.000-04:002020-05-31T11:57:34.515-04:00Black Lives Matter<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">Yesterday hundreds of people peacefully assembled in Mansfield to protest the senseless killing of George Floyd. Some held signs, some shouted slogans such as “I can’t breath”, while others gathered in groups to kneel and pray. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">As I looked around me, I was filled with emotions. I hurt with those that were hurting. I had to fight back tears over the tears I saw. My soul longed for a day when such protest won’t be necessary. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">As I</span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">looked around me, the bell tower from a nearby church started playing a hymn. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"> <i> I come to the garden alone<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><i> While the dew is still on the roses,</i></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><i><br /><span style="background: white;"> And the voice I hear falling on my ear,</span><br /><span style="background: white;"> The Son of God discloses</span></i><br /><br /><span style="background: white;"> <i> And He walks with me and He talks with me,</i></span><i><br /><span style="background: white;"> And He tells me I am his own;</span><br /><span style="background: white;"> And the joy we share as we tarry there,</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><i> </i><span style="background: white;"><i>None other has ever known</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">As the father of 5 sons, I have had to deal with a lot of concerns over the years. At times I haven’t known how we were going to pay our next rent, or how we are going to afford to buy food. I’ve had sick boys, and expensive hospital bills. At one point, we went for more than half a year without a vehicle that could carry our family. These concerns were real. They are no respecter of persons in that anyone can experience these problems. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">As a white man there are questions I don’t have to ask myself on a daily basis, that others do. Will my sons be unfairly treated due to the color of their skin? Will they be targeted by law enforcement, such as being pulled over for driving while black? If they choose to go to college, or get a promotion at work, will people look at them and question if they only got where they are due to their skin color? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">This does not mean that all families of color will deal with all the same concerns I and other whites have dealt with. Some may be affluent and not have the financial concerns, but still will have to deal with concerns over their children being targeted because of the shade of their skin.<br /><br />As a young man, I could go just about anywhere day or night and I didn’t have to worry that my presence along would be considered a threat. I could jog (who am I kidding, I never ran unless I had to) without my parents worrying they would receive a phone call that I had been shot ruthlessly by men for the only crime of jogging while black. I could go and buy Skittles without having to worry about being perceived as “up to no good” just for “walking around, looking about”, and then shot even after the 911 dispatcher told the shooter to back off. I feel confident that my sons are likely to have the same liberties that I had, as they grow up. Liberties that their POC peers may not be granted.<br /><br />At the Black Lives Matter protest I observed young and old, blacks and whites, peacefully raising their voices together as if to say enough is enough. I saw senior citizens and young children. All wanting a better world for themselves, their children, their grandchildren, or maybe just for the youth in their neighborhood.<br /><br />It is so tempting to say not my fight, hug my boys and blame all ill that falls on others as something they must have brought upon themselves. But while it is tempting, I am reminded of the final stanza of the hymn that chimed out as noon struck during the protest.<br /><br /> <i>I stay in the garden with Him,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><i> Though the night around me is falling.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><i> But He bids me go; through the voice of woe<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><i> His voice to me is calling.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">It would be easier to go to a protest saying it is my biblical right to refuse to wear a face mask, or go to a protest that says that being told we cannot meet in a building on a Sunday morning is a violation of the command to “not forsake assembling together” (which, by the way, it isn’t). We could cry persecution when Hobby Lobby or Chic-Fil-A are told they aren’t welcome. All of those are much more self-centered and easier than stepping out of our comfort zone to stand with our friends and neighbors and other POCs who are often denied the liberties we take for granted.<br /><br />But He bids me go. While I may prefer to stay in the garden with Him, He wants me to go and be His hands and feet in this world. Jesus said that the greatest commandments are to love God and love my neighbor. The Apostle John says we cannot say we love God if we don’t love our neighbor. So I will stand with my neighbors of color. I will cry with them. I will demand that the injustices lobbied against them stop. I will use the voice I have, as a person of privilege, to tell my fellow whites to stop blaming the blacks for all the troubles that befall them, when you haven’t taken the time to listen to them and understand why some reach the point of rioting. I will say that history has led us to where we are, and until we acknowledge our own sins and the sins of our ancestors, it is disingenuous to pick the speck out of the eyes of the POC’s around us.<br /><br />Get angry. Call me out. I can handle that. But, take the time to listen to the cries and hurts of our neighbors who are not listened to by those of us in white America. Just as my young boys at times will act out to get my attention, maybe just maybe people acting out through rioting is the only way we will listen to them. Yes, it may be necessary to deal with the actions (rioting) but if we only focus on the action and not the underlying reason that led them to that point, we have missed the whole point.<br /><br />I stand with those around me and will say, unashamedly, black lives matter. And until our society acts in such a way that makes that statement true, the whole society around us is a house of cards and false promises. When black men aren’t granted life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness the same way I am, then we have a problem, one that all of us need to work together to remedy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-28812540644503608582020-05-14T21:39:00.000-04:002020-05-14T21:39:03.750-04:00Was Jesus OK With Adultery?<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">A few years ago I came across a video clip of the late singer/songwriter Rich Mullins. In the clip, Mullins said that the Bible says ye must be born again, which is true. Jesus made the statement to one individual, and yet we believe it to be universally true. But Jesus also told one individual to sell all of his possessions and give the money to the poor, and we disregard that teaching. Jesus did say both of these things, yet one is taken as being of utmost importance and the other is dismissed as a one-off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">At times we disregard Jesus’ direct teachings, such as turn the other cheek and the responsibility we have to care for the poor, but at other times we take Jesus’ lack of words to mean something. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">After years of studying the gospels, I had a change in thought and belief regarding Christians and the use of violence. I believe Jesus, as well as the rest of the New Testament, teach the ethic of non-violence, non-retaliation, and that followers of Jesus should not use physical force as a offensive or defensive weapon in this world. Most American Christians I’ve encountered disagree with my understanding of this subject. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">One of the most common responses I’ve been given is that Jesus’ encounter with the centurion.<br /><br />Matthew 8:5-13<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">…when Jesus entered Capernaum, a centurion came to Him, imploring Him, <b><sup>6 </sup></b>and saying, “Lord, my servant is lying paralyzed at home, fearfully tormented.” <b><sup>7 </sup></b>Jesus *said to him, “I will come and heal him.” <b><sup>8 </sup></b>But the centurion said, “Lord, I am not worthy for You to come under my roof, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed. <b><sup>9 </sup></b>For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, ‘Go!’ and he goes, and to another, ‘Come!’ and he comes, and to my slave, ‘Do this!’ and he does <i>it</i>.” <b><sup>10 </sup></b>Now when Jesus heard <i>this</i>, He marveled and said to those who were following, “Truly I say to you, I have not found such great faith with anyone in Israel. <b><sup>11 </sup></b>I say to you that many will come from east and west, and recline <i>at the table</i> with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven; <b><sup>12 </sup></b>but the sons of the kingdom will be cast out into the outer darkness; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” <b><sup>13 </sup></b>And Jesus said to the centurion, “Go; it shall be done for you as you have believed.” And the servant was healed that <i>very</i> moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">As the argument goes, if being in the military and using force was against the ethic Jesus was promoting, why didn’t Jesus use this encounter to tell him to stop? After all, Jesus had the opportunity, and since He didn’t, the assertion is made that Jesus was giving silent endorsement of his military career. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">What if we were to use the same logic, or hermeneutic when it comes to other encounters Jesus had in the New Testament?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">John 4:7-30, 39-41<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="text"><b><sup><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">7 </span></sup></b></span><span class="text"><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">There *came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus *said to her, </span></span><span class="woj"><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">“Give Me a drink.”</span></span><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"> <span class="text"><b><sup>8 </sup></b>For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>9 </sup></b>Therefore the Samaritan woman *said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask me for a drink since I am a Samaritan woman?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.)</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>10 </sup></b>Jesus answered and said to her, </span><span class="woj">“If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>11 </sup></b>She *said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with and the well is deep; where then do You get that living water?</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>12 </sup></b>You are not greater than our father Jacob, are You, who gave us the well, and drank of it himself and his sons and his cattle?”</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>13 </sup></b>Jesus answered and said to her, </span><span class="woj">“Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again;</span> <span class="woj"><b><sup>14 </sup></b>but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="text"><b><sup><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">15 </span></sup></b></span><span class="text"><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">The woman *said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, so I will not be thirsty nor come all the way here to draw.”</span></span><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"> <span class="text"><b><sup>16 </sup></b>He *said to her, </span><span class="woj">“Go, call your husband and come here.”</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>17 </sup></b>The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus *said to her, </span><span class="woj">“You have correctly said, ‘I have no husband’;</span> <span class="woj"><b><sup>18 </sup></b>for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly.”</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>19 </sup></b>The woman *said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>20 </sup></b>Our fathers worshiped in this mountain, and you <i>people</i> say that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship.”</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>21 </sup></b>Jesus *said to her, </span><span class="woj">“Woman, believe Me, an hour is coming when neither in this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father.</span> <span class="woj"><b><sup>22 </sup></b>You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews.</span> <span class="woj"><b><sup>23 </sup></b>But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers.</span> <span class="woj"><b><sup>24 </sup></b>God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>25 </sup></b>The woman *said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ); when that One comes, He will declare all things to us.”</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>26 </sup></b>Jesus *said to her, </span><span class="woj">“I who speak to you am <i>He</i>.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="text"><b><sup><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">27 </span></sup></b></span><span class="text"><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">At this point His disciples came, and they were amazed that He had been speaking with a woman, yet no one said, “What do You seek?” or, “Why do You speak with her?”</span></span><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"> <span class="text"><b><sup>28 </sup></b>So the woman left her waterpot, and went into the city and *said to the men,</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>29 </sup></b>“Come, see a man who told me all the things that I <i>have</i> done; this is not the Christ, is it?”</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>30 </sup></b>They went out of the city, and were coming to Him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><b><sup><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">39 </span></sup></b></span><span class="text"><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">From that city many of the Samaritans believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, “He told me all the things that I <i>have</i> done.”</span></span><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"> <span class="text"><b><sup>40 </sup></b>So when the Samaritans came to Jesus, they were asking Him to stay with them; and He stayed there two days.</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>41 </sup></b>Many more believed because of His word;</span> <span class="text"><b><sup>42 </sup></b>and they were saying to the woman, “It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this One is indeed the Savior of the world.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">From the passage we see that Jesus acknowledges that the woman He encounters is living with a man whom she is not married to. Jesus even says this to the woman. However, Jesus doesn’t tell her to stop sleeping with her man. If we were to follow the same logic used by those arguing Jesus’ lack of admonishment regarding the centurion is His condoning of his actions, then a parallel argument can be made that Jesus wasn’t opposed to her continuing to sleep with this guy.<br /><br />But, but, but, some will say, Jesus spoke out against adultery and fornication elsewhere. So, they will continue, it is illogical to say that He was endorsing this woman’s sinful behavior. Ok. But Jesus also spoke against the use of violence and force elsewhere, and yet those passages seem to be dismissed because individuals view the centurion story as a silver bullet.<br /><br />May I suggest a different way to view these stories, by adding a third story into the mix?<br /><br />Luke 19:1-10<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">He entered Jericho and was passing through. <b><sup>2 </sup></b>And there was a man called by the name of Zaccheus; he was a chief tax collector and he was rich. <b><sup>3 </sup></b>Zaccheus was trying to see who Jesus was, and was unable because of the crowd, for he was small in stature. <b><sup>4 </sup></b>So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree in order to see Him, for He was about to pass through that way. <b><sup>5 </sup></b>When Jesus came to the place, He looked up and said to him, “Zaccheus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house.” <b><sup>6 </sup></b>And he hurried and came down and received Him gladly. <b><sup>7 </sup></b>When they saw it, they all <i>began</i> to grumble, saying, “He has gone to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.” <b><sup>8 </sup></b>Zaccheus stopped and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, half of my possessions I will give to the poor, and if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I will give back four times as much.” <b><sup>9 </sup></b>And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because he, too, is a son of Abraham. <b><sup>10 </sup></b>For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.”</span><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;">Nowhere in this story are we told that Jesus told Zaccheus that his actions were wrong. Yet, after encountering Jesus, the man was changed. The purpose of the story isn’t that Jesus gave him a list of corrective measures needed to fix his mistakes, but rather that being accepted and loved by Jesus changed Zaccheus and the change is evidenced by his actions.<br /><br />I believe the same is true about the woman at the well. Her evangelistic zeal shows that her encounter with Jesus affected her. Things were different after she encountered Jesus. That’s the purpose of the story.<br /><br />And as for the centurion, the purpose of the story isn’t meant to be a commentary on his military position. The purpose of the story is to show that he was powerless to do what he desired to happen, his faith drew him to Jesus, and Jesus acknowledged his faith by healing his servant. That’s the purpose of the story.<br /><br />When we read the Bible, we should be asking ourselves what is the purpose for this being included? If we find ourselves extrapolating things that vary from the overall purpose of the story, then we need to make sure we aren’t injecting our own beliefs and thoughts into our interpretation of the text. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-59681668263112130142020-05-04T17:42:00.001-04:002020-05-04T17:43:53.533-04:00Paul, Patron Saint of American Christians?<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">Over the nearly 25 years that I have been trying to follow Jesus, I have taken great comfort in the portrayal of the heroes of the faith recorded for us in the Bible. If I were inventing a religion, I would use the power of the editing floor to soften or eliminate the less than desirable attitudes and actions of those who are being used to help build up and spread the faith. My version of David, for example, may emphasize the giant killer, sensitive songwriter, and highlight his given description as a man after God’s own heart. The voyeurism, adultery, murder and lousy parenting probably would not been included, unless they were to show how bad he was before God changed him.<br /><br />There are some individuals in the Bible we readily acknowledge their flaws and failures, and yet still acknowledge their contributions to advancing God’s work on earth. Peter may be one of the prime examples of this sort of individual.<br /><br />On the flipside, there are others that their flaws are often overlooked, or even admired, which may lead to warped thinking in today’s world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">Real quick, tell me one of the Apostle Paul’s flaws after his Damascus Road experience? Did you think of any? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">I’ve been thinking about a flaw of Paul’s that seems commonplace in today’s western church. Starting in Acts 21 we see that Paul didn’t listen to Spirit led council, relied upon his own understanding/gut and demanded his rights as a citizen of Rome. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">Acts 21:4, 7-14<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">After looking up the disciples, we stayed there seven days; and they kept telling Paul through the Spirit not to set foot in Jerusalem.</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><b><sup><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">7 </span></sup></b><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">When we had finished the voyage from Tyre, we arrived at Ptolemais, and after greeting the brethren, we stayed with them for a day. <b><sup>8 </sup></b>On the next day we left and came to Caesarea, and entering the house of Philip the evangelist, who was one of the seven, we stayed with him. <b><sup>9 </sup></b>Now this man had four virgin daughters who were prophetesses. <b><sup>10 </sup></b>As we were staying there for some days, a prophet named Agabus came down from Judea. <b><sup>11 </sup></b>And coming to us, he took Paul’s belt and bound his own feet and hands, and said, “This is what the Holy Spirit says: ‘In this way the Jews at Jerusalem will bind the man who owns this belt and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles.’” <b><sup>12 </sup></b>When we had heard this, we as well as the local residents <i>began</i> begging him not to go up to Jerusalem. <b><sup>13 </sup></b>Then Paul answered, “What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be bound, but even to die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.” <b><sup>14 </sup></b>And since he would not be persuaded, we fell silent, remarking, “The will of the Lord be done!”</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">Paul doesn’t explain why he felt compelled to go to Jerusalem. He doesn’t say that the Spirit led him to do so, or not. However, this passage tells us that several godly individuals, controlled by the Spirit, were telling him not to go. The passage says that those discouraging Paul were telling him “<span style="color: blue;">through the Spirit not to set foot in Jerusalem</span>” (vs. 4), as well as warning him of “what the Holy Sprit says” that if he went, he’d be bound and turned over to the Gentiles. And yet, in spite of their warnings and those of the disciples and towns people not to go, Paul insisted that he was ready to face arrest and even death in Jerusalem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">One part of me admires Paul’s willingness to pay the ultimate price for the cause of Jesus. But another part of me wonders if his ministry and mission was cut short by following his own path, and not listening to the message the Holy Spirit was sending his way through many Spirit filled individuals. In the end, those seeking to warn Paul were unsuccessful, and Paul proceeded with his plan of going to Jerusalem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">Once in Jerusalem, the Jews seized Paul wanting to kill him (25:30). The Romans came to his aid, sparing him from a beating that may have led to Paul’s death. The Roman commander eventually orders him “examined by scourging” (25:24). Paul, literally being prepared for a beating, pulls the citizen trump card: “Is it lawful for you to scourge a man who is a Roman and uncondemned?” (25:25). The same Paul who told those trying to warn him “<span style="color: blue;">I am ready not only to be bound, but even to die at Jerusalem…</span>” (21:14), the same Paul that told the church at Phillipi “<span style="color: blue;">For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain</span>” (Phillippians 1:2), demanded his rights when push came to shove. Scholars debate when Philippians was written, which means Paul may have written them while in prison or before his arrest and appeal to Rome.<br /><br />How does this compare to Jesus and the other Apostles when they were arrested? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">When Pilot and others questioned Jesus, how did Jesus respond? </span><b><sup><span style="background: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;"> <span style="color: blue;">“</span></span></sup></b><span style="background: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: blue;">And while He was being accused by the chief priests and elders, He did not answer. <b><sup>13 </sup></b>Then Pilate *said to Him, “Do You not hear how many things they testify against You?” <b><sup>14 </sup></b>And He did not answer him with regard to even a <i>single</i> charge, so the governor was quite amazed.”</span> (Matthew 27:12-14 see also Luke 23 where Jesus did not answer Herod when questioned). Granted, in the case of Jesus, a case can be made that He did this to fulfill Isaiah’s prophecy “<span style="color: blue;">He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth. Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, and like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, so He did not open His mouth</span>” (Isaiah 53:7). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">But, what about Paul’s fellow Apostles? What about the early church leaders? We are told that when Peter and the apostles were arrested and jailed, they stood boldly saying that ultimately they were not bound by human authority that was trying to sway them from obeying the Holy Spirit’s leading. Peter and the others responded to orders from the governing authorities “<span style="color: blue;">we must obey God rather than men</span>” (Acts 5:29). We are told these Apostles, arrested, jailed, questioned, flogged, and so forth, after all was said and done, they were “<span style="color: blue;">rejoicing” that they “had been considered worthy to suffer for the shame of (Jesus’) name</span>” (5:41). Not too long after, when another early church leader was being oppressed, Stephen, whom we are told was “<span style="color: blue;">full of the Holy Spirit</span>” (Acts 7:55), willingly accepted the wrath of man against him, and even prayed that God not hold the atrocities being committed against him against his attackers (7:60). Stephen’s martyrdom took place in the presence of Paul, named Saul at the time (7:58). </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt;">Paul seems to be the exception when it comes to the early church in regards to imprisonment and or death for obedience to God. While others were remaining silent or rejoicing at being found worthy to suffer or praying for their attackers, Paul wasted no time in claiming his earthly citizenship when it was expedient.<br /><br />Maybe my assertion here is unfair. Maybe it was God’s will for Paul to claim his Roman citizenship for a greater purpose. I struggle to see this in light of all the Holy Spirit filled people prophesying to Paul not to go to Jerusalem. But I acknowledge that I may be wrong.<br /><br />What I find interesting is that Paul’s call for his rights to be honored is something I see repeatedly in many members of the American church, sometimes over things that ultimately are not of eternal importance. Yet, the cry of the other Apostles that they rejoiced to be found worthy to be persecuted for following Jesus, is downplayed. I see Paul’s accusation against his would be floggers to be more in line with American Christianity today than Stephens begging God with his final breaths to not hold his murders’ sins against them.<br /><br />As we consider our testimony and witness in our society today, will we live out our faith in a way that points people toward Jesus? When difficult times come, as we are told they will (2 Timothy 3:12), will we demand our rights or will we praise God that we were found worthy of suffering for the name and cause of Jesus Christ?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-12625830893470956832019-11-25T21:44:00.002-05:002019-11-25T21:44:48.338-05:00I Know Who I Want To Take Me HomeAt age 10 I wanted Jesus' return to wait until I could drive a car. At 19, when I got my drivers license, I wanted Jesus' return to wait until I'd had sex. At 29, when I got married and first had sex, I wanted Jesus' return to wait until I had become a father. Now as the father of 5, I've driven a car, had sex, and become a father. I do not wish for death, but when my time comes I know who I want to take me home. <br /><br />#TruthsFromMusicILike<br />#Semisonic<br />#ClosingTime<br />RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-31864894534365095072019-11-19T22:28:00.001-05:002019-11-19T22:28:04.620-05:00Romanticizing The PastIn life we have a tendency to romanticize the past. We do this in many ways. Quite often I think we do it without thinking about the full past that we are romanticizing.RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-82060288011079559902019-11-02T22:33:00.001-04:002019-11-02T22:33:02.478-04:00The End Is Where We BeginI haven't hit the end of my rope. I hope not to. There have been moments in recent years where I felt like I was getting close. Moments where the tension between faith and life and everything else seemed to collide with the sort of intensity that would put an NHL player into concussion protocol. <div><br></div><div>I hope that I don't have to hit the end of my rope to figure things out. I've been to some pretty dark places and I can't imagine what it must be like to go to darker places. However, if I have to hit the end of my rope be able to understand what it means to be surrounded by the love of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit, that as much as my body may begin to twitch at the thought, I say bring it on.</div>RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-51094406881121267712019-07-12T23:44:00.001-04:002019-07-12T23:44:39.585-04:00The Eleventh Hour Quickly Passes By<p dir="ltr">Parenting is one of the difficult, maybe even most difficult, things I've done in my life. No matter how early I get up, or how early I get home from my job, I'm still up way too late every night. It's exhausting. It's draining. And yet I wouldn't trade my five boys for anything in the world. So I trudge on, with drooping eyelids and yet a happy heart.</p>
RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-77128275223157026582019-06-20T22:57:00.002-04:002019-06-23T14:53:12.838-04:00Deconstruction <p dir="ltr">Deconstruction is a hip trendy word in many circles. There are numerous people who are going through a deconstruction phase when it comes to their faith. A singer-songwriter that I have really appreciated over the years, recently announced that he went through two divorces: a horizontal divorce with his wife and a vertical divorce with God.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I've been thinking about deconstruction. No I'm not ready to throw away my faith in God. But I have realized that many of the thoughts about religion and God that I was taught growing up, whether directly or indirectly, are anti biblical and a hindrance to growth in my spiritual life.  We would sing "Jesus loves me when I'm good, when I do the things I should."  Another song we would sing, when I was a summer missionary with Child Evangelism Fellowship, said that when we are obedient to God "His affection for you actually doubles."</p>
<p dir="ltr">Since I stepped down from the pastorate last fall, I've struggled with identity. After all Paul wrote the church in Ephesus that "we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works."  So if I'm created in Christ Jesus to do good works,  when I do those good works, based on the flawed teachings of my youth, his affections for me actually double.  Do you see where I began to struggle when I'm not performing in ways that many in the church consider quantifiable?</p>
<p dir="ltr">Over the last decade, I vacillated between two sides of the pendulum. One that calls for us to be holy as he is Holy, and the other that says I'm loved my God because of what Jesus has done and not because of what I do. There are times that I need to focus on the command to be holy. And there are other times where I need to focus on the fact that I am loved no matter what I do.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Part of the deconstruction I want to go through is focusing on what does the bible actually ask of me versus what has religion taught me about what I should do in their eyes.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">Good little Christians say the right things, do the right things, and don't ruffle any feathers.   After all, Christian kids should be seen and not heard.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Growing up in the church as I did, being a good Christian was almost paramount to being a good American. Good Christian boys go off to war to defend their country. Will even hold special services for them on Memorial Day in the 4th of July. My family might even get up and sing Proud To Be An American for special music at church.  I have a recording of me reciting patriotic poems at my Bible Church growing up, all under the auspice of special music.  For the first quarter Century Of My Life this was probably something I would have been proud of. Now it makes my stomach churn.</p>
<p dir="ltr">A song that I remember hearing back in the mid-90s.says "take away the dross that hides the glory of the cross."  When I'm honest with myself, most of what I've done in my life is dross.  I tried to come up with clever and witty things to say that people would remember. Was that so that Christ would be glorified or that I would be remembered? </p>
<p dir="ltr">Deconstruction also asks why we do the things that we do. Such as why do our Sunday Services include scene songs of worship and one person standing up like sharing another. It hasn't always been this way. Upon a little bit of research I found out that our modern style of church service came about with Reformation.  During the Middle Ages the Catholic Church primarily was focused around the Eucharist. When the Reformation hit the scene, individual spirituality became the focal point. However most Christians could not read, with literacy rates low, and the printing press just coming onto the scene.  So much of the service involved a literate person standing up front in Reading their thoughts and the word of God to others in the pews. But five hundred years later, we continue the same model even though modern teaching methods teach us that lecturing is the least effective way to pass along information.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Many will balk at any changes to the way church is conducted, forgetting the fact that church services have changed drastically time and time again over the last two thousand years.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I don't want to continue on the same path just because someone, somewhere told me is would make God love me more. I want to reconstruct my life to model what I read in the Bible. <br>
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RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7960805.post-70356571073381520832019-06-12T00:10:00.001-04:002019-06-12T00:10:59.197-04:00Depression It took courage. I finally admitted to those closest to me that I had been facing depression for months, if not years.. I was working two jobs, my wife and I had five boys, and I was emotionally, physically and spiritually drained. The advice I received was try harder. They didn't say that exactly, but it was what I heard. What I was told was that if I felt drained, I should spend more time praying and in studying the scriptures, I should exercise more, I should get more sleep, and just trust God more. I was working 50-55 hours a week in my "full time" job, and that job had me walking 10-14 miles a day. So, the exercise part was laughable to both my wife and I. The pray and study more part was difficult, because my second job at the time was being the preaching/teaching pastor at my church. A lot of my "free" time was spent in preparing sermons. At that point, I almost resented being a pastor. And yet, the advice given was to double down. As for the suggestion that I should sleep more, I wasn't sure how that could happen. But I tried. My wife picked up more responsibilities, and we made an effort for me to get more sleep. I probably added 30 minutes a day to my sleep time in the months that followed.<br />
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A turning point, not in the depression, but in regards to my resolve, came when I had a follow up meeting with those closest to me. What came out of it was that my mistakes from years before, which I had been led to believe were minor, were major obstacles that had eroded trust between us and had made the past three years of my ministry had in essence been a hindrance to the ministry I had been called to. I walked out of that meeting knowing that it was time for me to resign from my position. And so I did.<br />
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I thought that with one less responsibility, maybe the burden I was carrying would lighten. Actually the opposite happened. My depression increased. Now I was a man who had not only lost his vision, but also his sense of purpose. In a sense, I felt like it was me against the world, or maybe a better way to say it was the world was against me. I found myself lashing out at times at some of the people I love, whether publicly or more often in my own mind. I was hurting, and instead of letting people in it was easier to push them away. After all, I can't get hurt by people that I push away. At least that was how I was acting. <br /><br />As Robert Rohr says "If we don't learn to transform the pain we will transfer it." And I'm not proud about it, but that is sometimes what I did. Maybe it was paranoia, and maybe it was just pain. But it felt like things were more personal time and time again. People I didn't realize I had put so much trust in used words or actions that cut straight into my soul. And as a result, it was easier to push people away than risk more pain. <br />
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I wish I could say this is all in the past and I'm better now. I can't. I have some OK days, and some low days. I'm being intentional in making changes, such as spending little to no time on social media, eliminating some of the distractions that take up time that is better spent elsewhere, learning to say "no" more, etc. I am also on a waiting list to see a counselor. Tricia and I have rekindled a friendship with another couple that has been helpful in taking steps towards trusting again. I've been more purposeful in what I listen to, such as listening to the complete N.T. several times in a few week period instead of other stuff, and maybe all of these baby steps will help to get me back to where I should be. <br />
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I recall hearing Brennan Manning say that it shocked some people that he became an alcoholic after he had been a Christian and in the ministry for years. “Often I have been asked, 'Brennan, how is it possible that you became an alcoholic after you got saved?' It is possible because I got battered and bruised by loneliness and failure, because I got discouraged, uncertain, guilt-ridden, and took my eyes off Jesus. Because the Christ-encounter did not transfigure me into an angel." That is something I can relate to. Maybe not the alcoholic part, but the rest of what he said. I admire Brennan's candor, especially near the end of his life when he wrote about all his struggles and failures, and yet how the grace of God was enough. <br />
<br />I remember hearing Randy Alcorn talk about how when he faced a period of depression some people thought it showed a lack of faith. He says that looking back on that time, he realized it was a gift from God that helped his faith ultimately to grow deeper. I hope that someday I can look back on these past couple years and say the same. As for now, it's one day at a time, one step at a time. <br />
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For now, I often times find the deepest cry of my heart is summed up in words penned by Edge when he wrote "Jesus, Jesus help me. I'm alone in this world, and a ****** up world it is too. Tell me. Tell me the stories. The one's about eternity, and the way it's all gonna be."RvLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00389014227132719521noreply@blogger.com0