I really need a hug. Not one of those 3 second hugs you give a friend from time to time but one that says "you don't have to say anything, I undestand what you are going through" types. But I don't know people anymore whom I can go to as such times. So, I'll take this on all by myself.

Life is often filled with apparent injustices. Such as why do individuals who cause emotional pain usually have no problem moving on, while those they've hurt cannot? This is something that I know I am not alone in feeling. But yet the knowledge that others feel this same pain doesn't seem to provide any comfort at the present. Time heals all wounds I know. Yet still, while I wait for healing to come, I wonder why she moves on with ease after she trampled the feelings and emotions of those she confessed her love for. I want to forgive her, and I know that forgiveness is a conscientious decision, yet no matter how many times I say with my words that I forgive her--my heart still wields the pain that comes with betrayal.

I Lied

While the words "I'm so happy for you" escape my lips, my heart feels as if a daggar has been plunged deep into it. I should be happy for you. I think you would be for me. But instead of truly being happy for you, I wonder why things just happened to fall into place for you so quickly when you were the one that brought so much pain into my life. You couldn't let go of your past relationship when I was in the picture, but it seems that overnight all that changed when the next guy came along. Now you've left me as the one who can't seem to let go. I wonder if this guy will be just another moth caught in your web of lies and deception? Will he be another check mark on your adventure list when you look back and recap your life? Does he know what he's getting into? No matter what, I hope you will give this new guy all the things you didn't give me: a fair chance, honesty, and more than the bullshit that you left me with.

Different Dreams

When life’s blessings would pile up
When disappointments would get me down
At the times I needed someone to talk to
I would call her, but she would call someone else

The more she began to open up
The reasons became clearer to see
How easy it was to be smitten
And I fell for her, but she fell for someone else

I told myself not to let it happen
It all was too good to be true
But by that time it’d hit me
I was in love with her, while she was in love with someone else

Time Stands Still

I’m amazed at how the past seven years of my life have flown by, and yet the last seven days seem to have taken an eternity to pass. At the times when I look to time to help me move beyond the confusion, frustrations, and uncertainty that such periods can bring about, the hands of time slow to a virtual crawl. Not only is time turning out to be an adversary, so is sleep. When rest and escape are needed the most both find glee in remaining elusive. Part of the problem I’m currently experiencing is I’m not sure what resolution I’m looking for. Do I want all of this to simply go away or do I want another page of the saga to be written with a more congenial ending? The more I ponder on these thoughts the more I question if my difficulties are real or if they only exist in the confines of my mind. Time, I assume, will provide me with an answer. That is if time ever picks up its pace.