Alone I Wait

How much longer can I go on with this loneliness in my soul? No matter how hard I try I cannot overlook the longing I have to have someone to spend time with, someone to share the important, and not so important, happenings of my life with. But month after month goes by and alone I remain. Is this my ultimate calling or has this loneliness been given to me to prepare me for something that is yet to come? Can one go for weeks and months without any physical touch and yet survive? I long for a warm embrace, a pat on the back, a caring gesture but alone I wilt as life seems to drain out my every pore. As the last ounces of my spirit seems to disappear a sliver of hope remains that maybe someday, somewhere, someone will come and bring the sparkle back to my eye and the joy back into my existance.

In Heaven

There will be no more tears.
No missed opportunities.
No snow days.
No muscle aches.
No flat tires.
No burned toast.
No deadlines.
No rain delays.
No heartache.
No allergies.
No doubts.
No headaches.
No regrets.
No debt.
No cold feet.
No bitterness.
No hunger.
And, no CNN.

Two Men Remembered

They were men of strong beliefs. Men who seemed to have it all. Two men with different past but similar looking futures. One grew up in a broken home in western New York, the other in a happy home in southern California. One was athletic, the other was not. Both started off small in stature. One looked to the military as a way of escape, the other escaped from the spotlight to join the military. Both men knew what they wanted and were willing to do what it took to achieve it. One of them had dreams of the Special Forces; the other was a member of the elite group. To those around them, both seemed to put their country above self. One served with honor in the Gulf War while the other with honor in the War on Terror. But as time went on, one of them began to feel disenfranchised by society, while the other continued to be held in high regard. One began to remove himself from society, while the other embraced life with arms wide open. One started to question the government and was not able to find answers. The other left few answers for the many who questioned him. They were two different men that met the same fate by different means. One was killed by an enemy of America. The other was killed for being an enemy of America. One considered life to be worth defending. The other considered it worth taking. Pat Tillman will be remembered as an American hero who gave up fame and fortune to defend his country, while Timothy McVeigh will be remembered as the one who sought fame by murdering 168 innocent victims in the Oklahoma City bombing.

Give Me My Equality

Over my life time issues of equal rights for woman have dominated the news headlines. Woman have demand equal rights in the work place, as well as in positions of authority. They have fought for the right to fight along side men in the military and for the right to earn the same wages that men do. They have held rallies telling woman to stand up and show the world that they are in every way equals of their male counterparts. But today is the day I plant my feet on solid ground and begin to fight back for my rights. Woman today say they want to be equals with men but that is only when they want something that they do not have. They do not, in other words, wish to share some of their rights with men. Let me explain. Women have fought for the rights of woman to be able to play on the PGA tour, but I am sure they would deny a man’s request to join them in their LPGA events. They demand access, for female journalist, to professional sports locker rooms, but would be offended if a man sought to enter their quarters. It is considered normal for woman to cry at sentimental movies but if a man cries he is considered weak. Women drool over Brad Pitt and Enrique Iglesias but if a male in their presence dares to take a second glance at J.Lo or Keira Knightley he is labeled a sexist. If a man makes a passing sexual innuendo towards a woman he is liable to be slapped with a harassment lawsuit but when a woman makes a similar comment towards a man she gets away with saying that she was “merely flirting.” Women demand flowers and cards for fictitious holidays; Sweetest Day, Secretaries Week, or Valentines Day to name a few, but consider it to be absurd when a man asks for a bouquet for similar occasions. Women are considered to be courageous if they seek the profession of being a nurse but when a man works in the same occupation he is asked if he failed out of medical school. And God forbid a man try and apply to work at Hooters or Victoria Secret. He will be shot down faster than America rejected the 8-track tape. But this is the day I take my stand. I stand here and proclaim that equality is equality. I want my chance to play golf with the women. I want the men’s locker room to be off limits for woman, or women’s doors opened up for male journalist. I want the right to cry at movies that touch me. I want to right to talk about my celebrity crushes. I want the right to flirt without fear. I want flowers for holidays. I want men who choose to be nurses to be honored and not ridiculed. And I want the right to work at Victoria’s Secret. After all, isn’t this what all of my rambling's have been building towards?

Life Without Regrets

It amazes me how spending $15.99 on a form of entertainment can change ones life. Well, it has and my life is the one that has taken a turn. I went against my better judgment of renting a movie before buying it and took the advice of an acquaintance that convinced me that a new movie was "absolutely amazing." Their recommendation persuaded me and I made a trip to the store and bought a copy of the film. It then preceded to sit on my desk collecting dust for a period of time until one night I decided to see if it could possibly live up to all its hype. Two-hours and five minutes later as I sat with tear stains on my face I realized that I need to make changes in my life. I realized that I had filled my life with good things, at the expense of what truly matters. And unlike those who reach the end of their lives with regrets of things that they hadn't done or hadn't learned I became determined to do that day what I had put off for more than twenty-six years. My pen could hardly keep up with thoughts as I frantically jotted down the questions to ask and feelings to share as countless emotions began to flood my mind. Determined not to let a day go by without taking action I purposed that, that day would be the day I faced what I had grown to fear the most. My past. Doubts of rejection or finding out more than I could handle began to overwhelm me but visions of regret kept me focused on my mission. As I sat at my desk an awkward feeling came over me as I pulled out a clean sheet of paper and began to pen the words "Dear Dad..."