Jesus and Divorce

Jesus and Divorce

May 31, 2015

Johnsville Mennonite Church

The Bible can be tricky to understand at times.  When we read through the whole Bible, we read about many difficult and disturbing things that happened.  Sometimes morals are attached to the stories and it is clear who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are.  And then there are other cases where the text just says that so and so did such and such, and doesn’t give approval or condemnation of their actions. 

The Bible is mostly a narrative.  Meaning, it is a story of God’s dealings with mankind.  It is a truthful telling of God’s interactions, and I believe that in the original languages, as God gave it, it was without error, but it still is given to us as a story.  The Bible is not just a list of dos and don’ts.  Instead, it lays out the story and, even when the moral is not spelled out, there are times that we can see the positives and negatives that result from someone’s actions.

Have you ever read something, possibly even in the Old Testament Law, and said to yourself “Why didn’t God just ban _________ and be done with it?”  Maybe it is slavery, or polygamy, or whatever.  Instead of making laws regarding it, why didn’t He just ban it?

The best explanation I have to answer that question is, God met the people where they were, and He slowly moved them towards His perfect ideal. 

Polygamy, for example, was a common practice in the world at the time the Israelites came out of Egypt.  God doesn’t condemn the practice, but institutes safeguards to protect those in such relationships.  One such safeguard is found in Deuteronomy 21:15-17.  

“If a man has two wives, the one loved and the other unloved, and both the loved and the unloved have borne him sons, if the firstborn son belongs to the unloved, 16then it shall be in the day he wills what he has to his sons, he cannot make the son of the loved the firstborn before the son of the unloved, who is the firstborn. 17“But he shall acknowledge the firstborn, the son of the unloved, by giving him a double portion of all that he has, for he is the beginning of his strength; to him belongs the right of the firstborn.

God met the people where they were, and moves them towards His Edenic ideal.

Another factor we need to consider is just because something has a law regarding it, does not mean that God approves of the practice.  For examples, there are laws that deal with what should happen if someone is caught stealing or taking part in sexual relations before marriage.  God isn’t condoning stealing, or pre-marital sex, but rather there are laws put into place regarding what to do when these things happen, because in a fallen world God knew that they would happen.

This leads us to today’s text, in the Sermon on the Mount.  In Jesus time, as well as today, there was some confusion over what the Old Testament laws regarding divorce meant, but Jesus addresses the issue head on.

Matthew 5:31-32

31 “It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Here in the Sermon Jesus quickly highlights divorce, but later on in Matthew 19 Jesus goes more in depth on the topic.  I want us to consider Jesus’ teachings regarding divorce in light of both passages.

Matthew 19:3-9

3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” 4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” 7 They *said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” 8 He *said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Divorce was obviously something they dealt with in the time of Jesus, just as we deal with it in our time.

Among the Jews of Jesus day, there were two primary teachings about divorce.  One said that divorce was permissible for any reason.  This school of thought was promoted by followers of a man called Hillel.  This would possibly be similar to today’s “no-fault” divorce.  Your wife burned your breakfast, that would be grounds for divorce.  A man’s perceived needs in marriage aren’t met, he could divorce his wife.  This line of thinking is laid out in the Matthew 19 question.  “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?”

On the other side, followers of Shammai said that divorce was only commanded when a major offense was committed. 

The disagreement in the two camps came down to one small phrase in the Deuteronomy 24 law, regarding divorce.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, 2 and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance.

The phrase that the two groups debated over was the phrase “some indecency” in verse 1. 

But as we know from Matthew 19, and elsewhere, the people in Jesus society who thought themselves to be the most righteous, often tried to trick Jesus through their questions.  Jesus sidesteps their traps, and often gives the harshest of His responses to these individuals.  When Jesus dealt with sinners He displays much more compassion that He does when He encounters the so-called-religious.

So these two groups both believed that divorce was commanded by Moses, and their only debate was over what “some indecency” meant. 
They want Jesus to take a side on divorce, and Jesus wants to talk about marriage.

Jesus says “Have you not read”—in today’s vernacular he may have said—haven’t you read your Bible?  He says that marriage was instituted by God before sin entered the world.  And since God is the author not only of marriage as an institution, but also of each marriage covenant, Jesus says that man has no right to rewrite the rules for marriage.

Matthew 19:4-6

4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

They want to talk divorce, and He steers them back to the foundation of marriage.  We don’t have time to look at every passage that deals with marriage in the Bible today, but if we would, we would see that God’s intention for marriage was for it to be between one man and one woman for one lifetime.  The only thing that was meant to break the bond or covenant of marriage would be the death of one of the marriage partners.

The Pharisees then respond by asking why Moses commanded them to divorce then.

Matthew 19:7

7 They *said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

The different groups both felt that Moses commanded divorce, but disagreed only on what grounds led to the divorces.  And yet, as we see, Jesus says that Moses (and by implication God—who gave the Law to Moses) never commanded divorce. 

Matthew 19:8

8 He *said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.

Jesus says that the reason the Mosaic law included regulations on divorce, was not because God approved of divorce, but only because sinful people in a fallen world were likely to divorce.

Let’s go back and read the Deuteronomy 24 passage again. 

Deuteronomy 24:1

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house,

It says the man marries, the man finds some indecency in his wife, he writes a certificate of divorce, gives the papers to his wife and sends her away.  That is quite man centered, and God isn’t mentioned in that part of the passage.  The only regulation God gives in this whole passage is that if the man’s ex-wife marries another, than he cannot marry her again.  That’s the only regulation God gave (and that is found in verses 2-4).  The rest of the passage just acknowledges that in a sinful and fallen world, divorce will happen.

As humans that live in a world marred by divorce, we cannot deny the impact that divorce and remarriage have had on people we know and love, as well as society as a whole.

Today there are four basic views on divorce and remarriage. 

·        The most conservative view says that neither divorce or remarriage are ever allowed. 

·        The next view would say that sometimes divorce is allowed, but remarriage is never allowed.

·        Thirdly, both divorce and remarriage are sometimes allowed.

·        And the most liberal view would be that both divorce and remarriage are allowed for any reasons.

As we continue to work our way through what the Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage, I want us to look at something Jesus said in both Matthew 5 and Matthew 19.

Matthew 5:32

32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

And..

Matthew 19:9

9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Let’s consider these verses, and what they say, before we look at the exception clause Jesus put in both verses.

Jesus says that if you divorce your wife, and He implies or assumes that she will remarry, He says that you have caused her to commit adultery.  Not only her, but her new husband would also be guilty of committing adultery.  And Jesus says if you divorce your wife and marry another you commit adultery, and your new wife commits adultery.  So, when it comes to divorce, Jesus says that a divorce can lead to five sins occurring.  The fifth sin would be the divorce itself—the breaking of the covenant before God.  And, as a pastor I know once said, that doesn’t even begin to address any sins that may have led up to the divorce occurring in the first place.

Those who hold the most conservative view on divorce and marriage—saying neither is ever allowed—would likely say that Jesus says all parties involved commit adultery because they were only really married to their first partner.  All other relations, under this line of thought, would be outside of marriage.  I don’t believe that is the case, and I believe the scriptures would find fault with such thinking.  While I understand the reasoning behind why many hold this view—they hate divorce and don’t want it to take place—the Bible in many places shows us that divorced people are divorced and remarried people are remarried.  The sin of adultery that those involved would be guilty of would be related to their role or acceptance of the breaking of the marriage covenant. 

But what about the exception clause we mentioned earlier?  It is important that we do not call sinful what Jesus says is not sinful, and so we must look at what He says in the exception clauses.

Matthew 19:9

9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

A similar statement is found in Matthew 5:32.

Jesus statement in this verse is stated in a negative form.  He says that if you divorce your wife and marry another women you commit adultery, except when your partner has committed adultery.  Let’s look at the verse from the viewpoint that the partner has committed adultery.  It would read this way:  “I say to you whoever divorces his wife because of immorality, and marries another woman does not commit adultery.”  If in the original statement Jesus gave the divorce and remarriage are sinful except when immorality has taken place, then what Jesus was saying is that when immorality does take place, to divorce and yes, even to remarry, can take place without the innocent spouse being guilty of sinning.

The sin of divorce and guilt would not be upon the party who did not cheat, but would fall upon the partner who has already broken the marriage covenant due to their adultery. 

However, let me say, just because Jesus tells us that to divorce or to divorce and remarry if your partner has cheated, does not mean that you have to. 

The Bible is full of teachings and examples of showing grace and forgiveness to those who have wronged you.  If your partner confesses their sin, and is willing to work on reconciliation, I would say the most godly thing to do would be to forgive that partner and work on restoring the bond that was broken and the trust that was broken.  Would it be sinful for you to divorce the spouse that cheated?  No.  But just because you can do it without sinning doesn’t mean you should do it. 

The only example of divorce that would not be sinful that Jesus tells us about is what we have just discussed—unfaithfulness by one’s partner.  But Jesus didn’t teach the last word on the issue. 

Through the inspired Apostles, Paul taught of one other exception in which divorce would not be sinful.
I Corinthians 7:12-15

12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

Paul says that if one partner is a Christian, they have chosen to follow Christ, and the other is not, than if the unbelieving spouse wants out of the marriage as a result, then Paul says the believer would be free from the marriage.  However, if the unbelieving spouse agrees to stay married, then Paul says they “must not divorce.”  While a marriage with one believer and one unbeliever may difficulties in addition to typical marital difficulties—Paul says the reason the believing partner should not divorce is so that they can be a witness to their unbelieving spouse.   And, Paul says, if you stay together it can be of benefit for the sake of the children as well.

Conclusion:
Today’s sermon has not been an easy one to prepare or preach.  What the Bible says about divorce is complicated, because divorce is complicated. 

You may never have been divorced, but maybe you have let the idea float around in your mind.  Maybe you have seriously considered divorcing.  Let me encourage you that it is not too late to work on your marriage.   Talk to your partner.  Seek help and solid biblical counselling.  God has called us to live in peace, and to honor Him in all areas of our lives.  And our marriage is one of the ways we can demonstrate our love for God.

Maybe you know those who have been divorced for a reason that was sinful.  Or maybe that person, who was involved in a sinful divorce, is remarried.  Sin is sin, in the eyes of God.  While some sins are more on display for others to see than others, all sins are falling short of God’s expectation and holy standard.    Any and all sin’s we commit must be confessed to God.  God says when we bring our sins to Him, and confess those sins, He will “cleanse us.”

If you have been holding hard feelings against your spouse, it isn’t too late to go to them and seek restoration.  Maybe you have cheated on your spouse, and have been afraid to go to them and confess.  Do it.  It will remove a burden from your soul, and then you can start working on the reconciliation that will need to occur.