Deconstruction is a hip trendy word in many circles. There are numerous people who are going through a deconstruction phase when it comes to their faith. A singer-songwriter that I have really appreciated over the years, recently announced that he went through two divorces: a horizontal divorce with his wife and a vertical divorce with God.
I've been thinking about deconstruction. No I'm not ready to throw away my faith in God. But I have realized that many of the thoughts about religion and God that I was taught growing up, whether directly or indirectly, are anti biblical and a hindrance to growth in my spiritual life. We would sing "Jesus loves me when I'm good, when I do the things I should." Another song we would sing, when I was a summer missionary with Child Evangelism Fellowship, said that when we are obedient to God "His affection for you actually doubles."
Since I stepped down from the pastorate last fall, I've struggled with identity. After all Paul wrote the church in Ephesus that "we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works." So if I'm created in Christ Jesus to do good works, when I do those good works, based on the flawed teachings of my youth, his affections for me actually double. Do you see where I began to struggle when I'm not performing in ways that many in the church consider quantifiable?
Over the last decade, I vacillated between two sides of the pendulum. One that calls for us to be holy as he is Holy, and the other that says I'm loved my God because of what Jesus has done and not because of what I do. There are times that I need to focus on the command to be holy. And there are other times where I need to focus on the fact that I am loved no matter what I do.
Part of the deconstruction I want to go through is focusing on what does the bible actually ask of me versus what has religion taught me about what I should do in their eyes.
Good little Christians say the right things, do the right things, and don't ruffle any feathers. After all, Christian kids should be seen and not heard.
Growing up in the church as I did, being a good Christian was almost paramount to being a good American. Good Christian boys go off to war to defend their country. Will even hold special services for them on Memorial Day in the 4th of July. My family might even get up and sing Proud To Be An American for special music at church. I have a recording of me reciting patriotic poems at my Bible Church growing up, all under the auspice of special music. For the first quarter Century Of My Life this was probably something I would have been proud of. Now it makes my stomach churn.
A song that I remember hearing back in the mid-90s.says "take away the dross that hides the glory of the cross." When I'm honest with myself, most of what I've done in my life is dross. I tried to come up with clever and witty things to say that people would remember. Was that so that Christ would be glorified or that I would be remembered?
Deconstruction also asks why we do the things that we do. Such as why do our Sunday Services include scene songs of worship and one person standing up like sharing another. It hasn't always been this way. Upon a little bit of research I found out that our modern style of church service came about with Reformation. During the Middle Ages the Catholic Church primarily was focused around the Eucharist. When the Reformation hit the scene, individual spirituality became the focal point. However most Christians could not read, with literacy rates low, and the printing press just coming onto the scene. So much of the service involved a literate person standing up front in Reading their thoughts and the word of God to others in the pews. But five hundred years later, we continue the same model even though modern teaching methods teach us that lecturing is the least effective way to pass along information. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Many will balk at any changes to the way church is conducted, forgetting the fact that church services have changed drastically time and time again over the last two thousand years.
I don't want to continue on the same path just because someone, somewhere told me is would make God love me more. I want to reconstruct my life to model what I read in the Bible.
