- I’m from New York but my driver’s license lists that my address is Ohio. My passport has a number of stamps in it. I’m the youngest of six, yet oldest son. I have a number after my initials, but not my name. I like music. I drink coffee at all times of the day. I am a follower of Jesus. I own my own business. I watch bonus features on DVD’s. For four months each year my wife and I are the same age. “I pledge allegiance to a country without borders, without politicians.” I am an ordained pastor. I’ve eaten raw horse meat. I’m fifteen inches taller than my wife, but I look up to her. I still prefer buying CDs to downloading music. I’m a night owl, who doesn’t mind getting up early. I like to shop, and my wife doesn’t. I like to play games. I moved to another country nine days after my wedding. I sometimes quote random lyrics. I believe in miracles. I prefer desktops to laptops. I like listening to audio books. I listen to hockey games on the internet. I have five sons. I'm living life mid sentence.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
I’m amazed at how the past seven years of my life have flown by, and yet the last seven days seem to have taken an eternity to pass. At the times when I look to time to help me move beyond the confusion, frustrations, and uncertainty that such periods can bring about, the hands of time slow to a virtual crawl. Not only is time turning out to be an adversary, so is sleep. When rest and escape are needed the most both find glee in remaining elusive. Part of the problem I’m currently experiencing is I’m not sure what resolution I’m looking for. Do I want all of this to simply go away or do I want another page of the saga to be written with a more congenial ending? The more I ponder on these thoughts the more I question if my difficulties are real or if they only exist in the confines of my mind. Time, I assume, will provide me with an answer. That is if time ever picks up its pace.
One week with little to no sleep is definately catching up to me. How much longer can this continue before I start to go crazy? Physically I'm exhausted, but my brain refuses to shut down and as a result I toss and turn and when sleep finally does arive it is shortly interupted by my brain starting back up. Is there no rest for the weary? Won't my thoughts take some time to relax? Time and time again I've prayed that I'll be given a break from my own thoughts, but no matter how hard I try to distract myself I cannot excape them. My appetite is gone. I have no desire to listen to music. Even movies and books cannot keep my attention. Three hours into my ten hour work shift last night my eyes were already blood shot due to my exhaustion, but even if I could have layed my head down to sleep at that time I wouldn't have been able to. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. God......Help!
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