Maturing or Just too Tired to Care?

 I don't know that I'm maturing, but I'm learning to use my valve. Years ago some of my relatives use to joke that one's "valve" is the thing that kept them from saying what they wanted to say, even if saying said thing wasn't helpful.

Over the past couple years, I've discovered that I'm far less inclined to try to convince someone that disagrees with me to change their position..on just about anything. This can be politics, religion, so on and so forth.

I don't think I've necessarily matured. I think I'm just tired.

Most of my life I was told that I had all of the answers, and as a result I was obligated to correct everyone who disagrees with me. I was taught this in church. I was taught this in Bible college. I was taught this at the Christian colleges I attended. This was also modeled for me in the Mennonite circles I've been in--although the way they demonstrated this was more through trying to put down those who disagree with them without trying to appear too proud.

Now when a co-worker starts a conversation about how the earth is flat, I just want the conversation to end. When another parent in the homeschooling co-op some of my kids attend touts a new Ken Ham book on apologetics, I just want the conversation to end. When the member of a small prayer group I've attended brings books written by the Pearls, because we said we don't spank our kids anymore, I just want the conversation to end. When a family member preaches about the sin of "pride" in June, but preaches a full month of sermons in July on how he's proud to be American, and if you aren't as proud as him he will help you pack, I just want the dialogue to end.

At 45 I have more questions and fewer answers than I had at 40, 30 or even 20.

A man I respect was asked a few years ago how certain he is about knowing the truth (the question was in regards to Jesus, but can be applied to other areas as well). This man shocked the one asking the question by saying that most days it's more than 51%. In the circles I grew up in, we were taught that we were to be 100% sure, so as not to be "tossed to and fro" like the Book of James warned against. But here is where I'm at. If I'm 100% confident in my beliefs, and I've hammered out all of the flaws, then I no longer need faith. And, if I never have questions or doubts I have no room for growth.

If new information comes along, I hope to be open to evaluating the information and using said information to reevaluate my beliefs. As my wife can attest, I do not easily change my beliefs. If I believe something to be true, it takes a lot of time, study and evidence for me to change my beliefs. But, that being said, if the evidence is there that my previous beliefs were incomplete, or incorrect, I am willing to change.

The younger version of myself, including the version of myself circulating online in 2020 or so, still had the impulse from my upbringing to try and convince everyone that if they disagreed with me they were wrong, and should change. Ok, by 2020 I probably wasn't that bad, but I still had those impulses. Anymore, I find myself simply uninterested in expending the mental energy to try and convince someone they are wrong.

While I do this poorly most of the time, anymore I just want to follow my convictions, be a decent human being, and try to leave the world a better place than I found it. I don't know if that means I'm maturing, or I just am too tired to try and change anyone when I realize I have a lot of things in my life I still need to work on.